19 People Try To Explain If “Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater,” Is A Correct Statement


Found on r/AskMen.

1. Yes and no

I have cheated.

The answer is yes and no, for me personally anyway.

Yes, if I have cheated once in a relationship, I will probably cheat on her again. That is why I break up with whoever I’m dating after I cheat on them. If I have cheated on someone; then there were many underlying issues in the relationship that I didn’t admit to myself, let alone discuss with my girlfriend.

No, just because I was unhappy, sometimes unwittingly so, doesn’t mean I’ll cheat in another relationship. For me, Cheating is more of a tool used to sabotage an already failing relationship. The character trait of infidelity isn’t something that is impulsive and impossible to avoid.

I feel that most people that have cheated are like this whether they admit it to themselves or not.

There is a ton of interesting reading on infidelity in marriages in America. Really interesting stuff.

2. Maybe

If someone cheats on you, they will cheat on you again. But just because someone cheated in a past relationship, it doesn’t mean they will cheat in all relationships.

3. Until you find true love

I was a serial cheater in high school and my late teens. As for my 20s I haven’t cheated once.

I cheated on my high school boyfriend when I was 19 going on 20 ended up dating the guy for nearly a year and never even thought of cheating despite it having been a habit. We broke up amicably, dated around for a while, had a couple solid FWBs and then started dating my now fiancé. I haven’t even looked at another guy in a sexual light since we got together. It weirds me out seeing dudes in porn now because they aren’t the man I love.

I will be the first to admit that I was a shit person from 16-20. I was the worst kind of liar and cheater. I think I outgrew it or something. It’s not fun, it’s an anxiety inducing and stupid activity. I can’t say that I won’t ever cheat again because although I hope and pray that I’m going to be with the man I’m with now for the rest of my life I don’t know if that’s true. But I do know that I will never cheat on the man I love this deeply. I just have no desire to be with anyone else and I respect him too much to let it get that far in the event that something changes.

4. It’s still likely

Who says I would still cheat on a partner even if we had underlying issues?

My likelihood of cheating on another partner is slightly, but not much, higher than your likelihood of cheating on a partner as viewed from the outside of a relationship.

Just because you haven’t outwardly exposed that you have cheated, doesn’t mean you haven’t and it also doesn’t mean you wouldn’t given the opportunity.

Do you see where I am coming from?

5. Young people do dumb stuff

I think plenty of people do fall into that category.

However, if some guy cheated on his girlfriend once when he was 21, then married a different girl at 28 and is now been faithful to the age of 45? I think his wife should probably sleep fairly soundly at night.

People do lots of dumb stuff over the course of their life. The phrase may have some truth, but it also suggests that people are incapable of change, remorse or rehabilitation in any effective way. That’s not true in most arenas of life.

6. Reiterating the point above

I think cheating is a pattern with immature people. I have seen a few people who have cheated grow up mentally, get their shit together, and become faithful, loving spouses.

7. Two types of cheaters in this world

I believe there are two types of cheaters. Some people cheat once, feel absolutely awful about it and would never consider it again once they realize the months of mental anguish wasn’t worth 20 minutes of pleasure. Then there’s the second type, “fucking cheaters.”

8. Gut-wrenching lesson learned

No, it’s not true. I’ll never cheat again.

The woman that left me was amazing in every way, but it was one of those cases where I didn’t realize how good I had it until she left. The thing is that when she left my desire to pursue other women left also.

I’m single now with no texting sweetheart, no cuddle buddy or friend with benefits. Just completely single. If I see a woman today that I find attractive I’ll smile and talk with her but then a switch goes off saying ‘no, walk away.’

It’s sad really. The reason why I have difficulty moving forward is because it doesn’t feel right being that ‘good man’ for someone else when I should have been that for her. This woman could do no wrong and I broke her heart. It’s been two years since she cut me out of her life and she’s probably very happy now.

In cheating, I found that I did more damage to myself than to the woman I cheated on, which is why I can never be foolish enough to cheat again.

9. True only because trust is lost

Not necessarily, but if you’ve been cheated on once it’s very hard to regain that trust and stop suspecting, no matter how sincerely repentant the cheater is.

I subscribe more to “once a cheater, always the capacity to cheat”. If you cheat once, you’ve shown me that there are circumstances where you’re willing to cheat. Maybe those circumstances will never happen again, but I’ll still be paranoid because not all of those circumstances are within my control or sphere of attention.

10. Decency

I’d rather be single than be with somebody I’d consider cheating on.

11. The guilt is overwhelming, so false

Cheated once. Confessed to my girlfriend the next day. hated myself.

Years later I was in another relationship with a girl who was inexperienced, and religiously inclined to wait till marriage. It was tough but I cared for her. The thoughts crossed my mind in moments of weakness, but I couldn’t do that.

12. A mature person doesn’t cheat

No. Often people cheat when they are younger and immature, either not understanding how devastating that feels to the betrayed person, or not having yet experienced a relationship that makes them see how hurtful and irreversible those terrible feelings can be. I think a lot of those people come to see that there are more important things in life than their selfish desires in a given moment, and learn to make better choices.

13. Feel absolutely awful

Yes, I have cheated and no, I’m not proud of it.

I was in the early stages of a relationship that I didn’t think would last. It did and I still feel terrible guilt about what I did. She broke the relationship off with me for entirely separate reasons but I sometimes wonder if she knew I had done something.

A “friend” of mine suggested coming clean to her in an email, which I did, and shouldn’t have done. I should have just kept my mouth shut. It didn’t alleviate my pain and she blocked me for a long time.
We’ve spoken since and things are okay now, but it was still the stupidest thing I have ever done.

She was awesome (and still is) and I’ll probably never have a relationship with anyone quite like her again. I have some regrets in life and this is one of them.

14. It makes your partner want to get even

If you’ve cheated once it doesn’t guarantee you’ll cheat again, but it sure makes it easier and much more likely you will. I don’t look down on apologetic cheaters, people fuck up it’s human nature. However, if someone cheats and tries to justify or handwave it away that’s pretty much a guarantee they’re an enormous piece of shit. I haven’t met a single unapologetic cheater who wasn’t complete human garbage.

15. Rational minds are…well, rational

No. I’ve been on both ends of the stick.

My old look has changed after being older and wiser, and able to be rational. Also putting a lot of effort into a relationship helps.

There’s also an aspect of not having to prove myself, I can tell when I could have someone, without having to test the waters, so to speak.

16. Statistically speaking…

Statistically you’re going to see people who repeat. As for it being a truth, no. There are people who do it once and never repeat it. Like everything, it depends.

17. Probably for the thrill

I haven’t cheated so I can’t speak for myself but I have had plenty of friends who have and its usually a recurring pattern with them.

One I was so shocked with cheated on their partner told me it would never happen again after I caught them, then the very next weekend done it again with a different person!

18. “I think”

I think once they cheat on you, they’ll cheat on you again. But not necessarily that they will cheat on another partner.

19. Two things about people

Two rules of people:

1. People can change.

2. People rarely change. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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