1. My phone is a calculator
“You won’t be walking around with a calculator in your pocket all the time.”
2. You think college is stupid, try real life
The idea that college is filled with smart people that followed all the rules in high school.
In reality, colleges are filled with retards.
3. And to this day, I still don’t know how George Washington crossed the Potomac with his Army-issued Jeep
“We can skip this part, you’ll learn more about it next year.”
“We can skip this part, you should have learned about it last year.”
4. So my chemistry exams will be all long response questions?
“They don’t give multiple choice exams in college,” says someone who has never had to correct exams for Econ 111 with 300+ students.
5. (It’s just a manilla folder with stuff your guidance counselor saved from art class)
This is going on your “permanent record.”
6. I’ve met adults that can’t even spell my name right, let alone write in cursive
Mother. Fucking. Cursive. Spend months in 2nd grade learning that shit because “That’s how people write when you get older.”
Only time I have used it is for my signature, which realistically is just a bunch of up and down lines.
7. OH THE HUMANITIES
I think this isn’t outright taught, but it’s implied. My schools were only structured for going to college. The idea of a vocational degree or an associates felt like it was frowned upon. Those of us who weren’t college bound were ignored. There were some programs but they seemed underfunded and weren’t suggested. They also seemed to be filled with the kids who were failing their core classes, like it was a last hope. I ended up going to college, and I don’t exactly regret it. But I feel like if other options weren’t shamed I would have seriously considered them. I love working with my hands and ended up doing art.
8. Until he conquered America for his own vision — get Ohio to name a city after him
Christopher Columbus was an alright guy.
9. You can’t map out a tongue, that’s just silly
The motherfucking tongue map.
Seriously, “Only the tip of your tongue tastes ‘sweet’ foods, and only the back can taste ‘bitter'”??? I guarantee almost everyone in this thread saw the tongue map in a textbook at some point in their life, and it is scientifically proven to be 100% bullshit – yet somehow it’s taught in science class.
I think it was based on some dodgy diagram in a German research paper from the 1900s that has subsequently been proven false over and over again, but because we live in bizarro-world we have decided that a lie about tongues is a valuable part of a child’s scientific education.
10. Don’t smoke the marijuana
That recreational drugs are LITERALLY the worst thing ever and will kill you immediately 100% of the time.
11. Don’t be condescending, Mrs. Peters. You’re teaching second grade
“If you can’t handle [insert grade] wait until you get to [insert next grade]. It’s so much harder!…”
It never got harder.
12. I’ve gotten this a lot
The first word of a sentence can’t be because.
13. Spend $120 on a textbook you will use three times (at most) and then shove in the back of your drawer
You will need to buy this textbook.
That if you’re 1 minute late to work once every now and then you will lose your job. Nope.
15. Once you realize, you’re done
That the ultimate goal is to get a 9-5 job. Get good grades in high school, get into a good college, get a high GPA.. all for what?! To land possibly the shittiest lifestyle known to man. Our whole lives we live each day differently (staggered class schedules, dynamic days).. literally from elementary school through graduate school, then all of a sudden we get thrown into the most mundane, repetitive lifestyle that we’ve been working toward yet never truly preparing for.
16. Einstein was a genius
A lot of teachers tell you that Albert Einstein failed out of math when that’s completely untrue. The guy was a genius, stop discrediting him so you can feel better about being bad at math.
17. This is what creates social anxiety
In high school, you have to raise your hand to go the bathroom.
“I’m just prepping you for college. You’re not going to be able to just come and go from class as you please.”
18. If someone hits you, you hit them back
That it’s not okay to defend yourself. So if someone comes up to you and starts pounding on you, you’re supposed to either stand there, or you’re supposed to run.
19. You don’t
You must go to college to be successful.
20. Whoever said this is an asshole and a sociopath
“Student Loans are nothing to worry about and you can pay them off in no time.”
21. Would’ve been great to have been taught these during high school
The biggest are the lies of omission:
- They teach nothing about paying taxes or filing taxes or how much you’ll pay in taxes (county, city, state, property, sales taxes, others)
- Nothing about buying a home or mortgages or your credit rating
- Nothing about how to manage your retirement account
- Nothing about managing a personal budget, or a family budget, or a household budget
- Nothing about the variety of financial accounts you’ll want or need
- Nothing about the dangers of revolving credit or debt or interest rates or how to bank
- Nothing that will teach you personal responsibility of your finances
- They basically create lemmings for the bankers & IRS to suck dry for their entire lives.
22. Person with the biggest bed wins
“This is not a competition.”
Life is a fucking competition.
23. But you can’t be a bear
You can be anything you want to be.
24. Nah, it just means you’re lazy
If you get A’s that means you are smart. If you get F’s that means you are dumb.
25. Yeah, I totally knew that
Electrons orbit the atom’s nucleus like a planet.
26. Don’t tell them that you’ve peed your pants
“You can always trust a police officer. Don’t be afraid to tell them anything.”