18 Dating Dealbreakers As Described By Women

Guys (and gals), let’s practice social etiquette so that there’s less of these things going around. Aren’t you sick and tired of reading about what dealbreakers are for women and what they are for men? Play hard, be nice, be smart, practice safe sex. Boom. Read more on this Reddit thread.

1. Any type of tobacco use is pretty gross

Any kind of tobacco consumption is a dealbreaker for me. Especially if the addiction is so bad that the person can’t even control it for the duration of a date.

2. Don’t use homophobic slurs

I went on a first date with a guy last year that seemed so promising before the actual date. He was an accomplished professional, a loving father, shared a lot of interests with me, and was very, very cute. When he showed up to pick me up, everything seemed great. He was just as promising in person as I’d hoped. And then I got in the car. That’s when shit hit the fan. He drove like a maniac, cussed every other driver on the road, and showed signs of serious rage issues. And then we stopped a gas station for snacks and water (we were going hiking). We walked in the door, and an innocent gentleman walked by me. No, he didn’t touch me. No, he didn’t block my way. He literally just walked past me. This inexplicably infuriated my date, enough for him to mutter, “fucking faggot” after the guy. I was shocked. The rest of the date passed by in a blur, with me walking so fast on the trail to keep away from him and making only very short, casual conversation. I would have just up and left if I had my own car, or demanded he take me home if I weren’t afraid of his rage. He wanted to go and have dinner after, but I made an excuse about my family texting and needing me for an emergency. Worst date ever. I don’t put up with rage, I don’t put up with homophobia. Period.

3. Back to tobacco — no chew

I always said I would never kiss/date a guy who chewed, until I met one of my more recent exes. I didn’t like it and didn’t hide it, but he tried not to do it around me too often, and certainly didn’t during the first few dates. I used to be a smoker, so I understand how pointless it is to chew (heh) someone out over their unhealthy habit, and he seemed to appreciate that I was honest without being super naggy about it. We broke up for other reasons, and if that had been the only issue I really had with him, I would have just dealt with it.

Your date may have done that on a first date to weed out the women who won’t put up with it, or he simply has no manners. Either way, bullet dodged.

4. No spitting

Absolutely, that is one of the most disgusting things a person can do in front of me. Just seeing them spit makes my stomach turn, especially if they’re doing it at a dinner table. I’ve seen a guy do it into his empty glass after a meal, it made me want to vomit and I felt sorry for whomever had to carry his glass away and empty it out.

The last thing I want is to deal with that disgusting sight and empty bottles full of nasty spit. No thank you.

5. A general jerkoff

Lousy tippers. Someone who gets off from being rude to others, or who thinks it’s funny to be an asshole. Taking joy at someone else’s expense in general just really irks me. Someone who can’t be friends with women without dating them.

6. Vape users

The guy who pulled out an e-cig in a nice restaurant, started puffing away, told me “It’s ok! It’s legal! It’s only vapour!” … and then blew a puff of vapour in my face.

7. Aliens

Conspiracy theorists.

8. No mirror technique

Two recent dealbreakers, each happened with guys I thought I could really like!

  1. Mimicked my hand gestures. I talk with my hands. He would mirror whatever I was doing after he had a couple of drinks. I would ask him to stop repeatedly.
  2. Want to go to dinner. Sure! Or just drinks? Whatever! Okay dinner. Great! Unless drinks. Either is fine… How is this restaurant? Perfect! But you might not be hungry….Fuck it, I am eating a bowl of popcorn at home.

9. Astronomy – wait, you have conspiracy theory mixed up in there

A guy told me that he was really into astronomy. That was fantastic. So am I. On our first date, he told me that he had proof of aliens coming to Earth. He proceeded to describe Jupiter. That was it for me.

10. She doesn’t speak for ALL women *evil cackle*

There’s quite a few. I don’t like men who smoke. I don’t like when guys can’t handle their alcohol.

Also, men who are cheap, rude to other people, no manners (e.g. spitting in a bottle), lack confidence are all deal breakers.

11. An extremely large ego

Talking about himself too much. Being extremely loud. No social manners (I grew up with manners being drilled in to my head). It’s sort of a series of things. But those are things that tend to make me want to run away as soon as I meet them.

12. Clingy losers

My own personal dealbreakers? Clingy — i’m busy and independent, and if he’s texting me 5x a day i’m gonna nope on out of there. The other one is lack of direction/ambition. I appreciate if you’re happy working a 9-5 or whatever, but someone who’s static, with no goals to better themselves in some way drives me nuts.


My number one deal breaker is rudeness. I prefer first dates to happen in a restaurant – there’s a lot of eye contact and talking, and also I can see how he treats the wait staff. If he’s rude to the wait staff or leaves a crappy tip, there won’t be a second date.

14. “Mansplaining” things

Smoking turns me off, so my boyfriend brushes his teeth after. That’s nice.

Dip is disgusting. That’s a big no for me.

Any habitual drug use is unappealing to me. I don’t mind occasional use of marijuana or alcohol, or rare occasional use of Molly at a good party or something. I don’t really do anything crazy, and I don’t think I match well with party guys.

It really turns me off when a guy is sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist, or otherwise rude towards others. It’s a huge turn-on when a man is respectful towards others.

I hate it when guys argue just to argue (or “mansplain”). I hate feeling like everything I say is wrong or up for debate when sometimes I just want to have a pleasant conversation, not a contest.

15. Video games are cool

One for me is if they think video games automatically means you’re a loser and don’t do anything else, even if there’s a lot of evidence to prove otherwise. Personally, I have a great job in a prestigious company, work out 5-6 days every single week, have traveled all over the place, hobbies, etc., but the second I mention I play video games instead of sports/TV, some girls immediately think that’s childish/I’m a weirdo.

I think it is funny because if I watched sports and commercials instead, even for hours a day in front of a TV, that would totally be ok with those people.

16. Boundaries, people

A guy told me on the first date that he only had one kidney running at some low percentage and would likely be on dialysis in the next few years.


Men with crappy manners: i.e. chewing with your mouth open is the worst offender. Watching a guy with food fly out of his mouth (while he speaks and chews at the same time,) hearing slurping, scarfing noises like he is a pig at a trough. (I can kinda understand if he had a bad sinus problem, but even then, I know people with bad sinus problems that didn’t do this.) When you ask politely if he can stop doing that because a> its gross, b> other people are repulsed by it c> you feel like disappearing, its so embarrassing. d> having food hit you in the face from his mouth is just ew… Then he promptly tells you to “f*** off” because he “does what he wants, and no one will tell him any different.”

18. Sore loser, bad temper

Uncontrollable rage. For example, not being able to lose a game. Some of us play board games on the weekends and if he’s losing, he pouts and complains the whole time. He hits the table so hard that it messes up the board and he gets actually angry at people for what they did to him in game. I also saw him get so angry that he beat the steering wheel because there was traffic ahead and in his attempt to escape it, he went the wrong way. It was a scary moment being alone in a car with someone like that. It was over shortly after that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

.sguHhgU@ :mih wolloF .golataC thguohT ta recudorP a si leahciM

Keep up with hoK on Twitter and thoughtcatalog.com

More From Thought Catalog