1. Be careful, okay?
About the cervix: If your man-part is medium to large and your partner is on the smaller side of things, you might “find” the cervix, even when she is aroused and ready. Be gentle and do not force yourself into the woman as deep as you can, she will not enjoy it!
Be a gentleman and control yourself and your partner will be happy! :)
2. It’s true
If you put your ear up to a woman’s vagina, you can actually hear her saying “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
3. What’s that you might ask
The dreaded double stream.
4. Just be glad your mother didn’t name your Turdburglar
It’s very common for women to poop during childbirth. I’m sorry.
5. Do NOT forget
The pill: not just every day; every day at the same time.
6. Responding to sex
If your partner rarely initiates sex, it may not be that she has a low sex drive; she may have a different type of sex drive. It’s pretty common in women to have responsive sexual desire instead of spontaneous sexual desire. Here’s a good explanation of it by a health educator, Dr. Nagoski, whose blog (“the dirty normal”) is pretty fascinating.
The TL:DR version is that spontaneous desire is when someone randomly feels the desire to have sex, while responsive desire is when someone doesn’t really have sexual feelings until they put themselves into a sexual situation. So maybe a woman won’t really feel like having sex until she and her partner start touching and kissing each other, at which points she starts getting into a sexual mindset and feeling turned on.
(I said “she” in this post because it’s especially common in women, but anyone can have a responsive sex drive, and many women can have spontaneous sex drives, as well.)
7. For breasts and testicles
It’s normal if one hangs lower than the other.
8. It happens to the best of us
Shrinkage! I was in the pool!
9. MAKE YOUR DAMN MOVE
Ladies – an erection is not ever lasting. If you want to have sex don’t tease a man for three hours and then wonder why we go soft.
10. For example, the vibrating bus
Random boners can spring up anytime/anywhere regardless of the situation. The challenge all males face is hiding them.
11. We’re a blank canvas
Men have an “empty box” where they really can be thinking about absolutely nothing. When you ask a man who is currently in this thought box “What are you thinking?” and we say “nothing”, we actually mean it. If we hesitate in answering, it’s because we’re frantically thinking of a box to jump to so you don’t think we’re lying.
12. Oh, that makes more sense
My husband actually thought that the wings on pads were there to be stuck to the insides of my legs.
They are to stick to your underwear, gentlemen.
13. I’m going to try this
I heard that if you shout a wish into a woman’s vagina, a leprechaun will skip out of it and hit you in the face with his pot of gold dicks then poop out a unicorn. Which will then fart rainbows into your eyes. Then you get cancer.
14. Don’t judge a dick before you arouse it
Here’s one for the ladies: never judge a man by his flaccid size. As a grower, not a shower, I am more than double when “excited”.
15. Remember this rule
As a guy, here’s something I didn’t know until my wife told me: Every fifth pregnancy ends with a miscarriage within the first 12 weeks. You read that right: one in five pregnancies.
There appears to be an unwritten rule among women that they never tell anyone (except their doctor and SO, but not even their very best friend) that they are pregnant before the 12th week is over. And you never ask if anyone is pregnant, especially not if you suspect – they’d have to lie to your face. Also, don’t tell anyone else that you suspect.
So, a new rule for you guys: NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. If she wants people to know, you will know, and if the doesn’t want anyone to know, she will hate you for asking. And if it is very obvious by the size of her belly, it would be a stupid question anyway.
16. The bed must’ve been super comfy
Sometimes girls queef getting out of bed.
17. Oh god, tampons can kill
Toxic shock Syndrome. They teach you in school to quickly recognise signs of Meningitis, but I don’t think many guys are aware of TSS- it mostly affects women. A contributing factor tampon use, especially if a tampon is worn for longer period of time than is recommended.
TSS causes very rapid degeneration of the patient- usually first a rash, then confusion, vomiting/ diarrhea, loss of consciousness, multiple organ failure and death. Everyone should be able to recognise these signs and act quickly, this disease can kill within a couple of days!
So long as tampons are switched regularly, the risk is very small, but if your girlfriend is on her period and starts showing these symptoms you should consider it TSS. It can be fairly easy to forget about a tampon, especially when at the end of your period. The fact that TSS produces confusion/stupor/unconsciousness means that sometimes the sufferer may not be in a state to realise it is TSS/ remember the tampon.
If your girlfriend/ mother/ whoever shows TSS symptoms, its is important that the tampon is removed as soon as possible, and then the patient is taken straight to hospital. The bacteria can still cause death after the original source of infection is removed!
According to my fuck buddy, she’s met multiple women who do this:
Some women masturbate to sex scenes from movies, as opposed to porn, because there’s more of a story, mood and tone to it.
19. Not all of us
Up until recently, I thought that guys wiped when they peed.
20. Not all girls are this
Some guys still don’t understand what it actually means for a woman to squirt. It’s not pee. It’s a lubricating fluid released from the Skene’s gland, much like the fluid produced by the male prostate that makes up 20-30% of the volume of their semen. The gland needs to be stimulated to make her to squirt. While I’m on the topic, many people claim that all women can squirt. That’s not true either. Skene’s glands are relatively inconsistent in their anatomy among different women, and in some extreme cases, are not apparent at all. Some people postulate that they are also responsible for the “G-spot” orgasm, and their varied anatomy could be responsible for the absence of penetrative orgasms in many women.
21. It’s like clockwork, baby!
If you look at a dick, you can see it twitch along with the heartbeat.
22. This might explain a lot
Women (especially those who are not on birth control) typically have mid-cycle pain (ie. halfway between their periods). This pain has a name, mittelschmerz. It can be used for women to figure out they are most fertile.
23. We can’t tell you while doing it in fear of never getting it again
To girls giving hand jobs: Do not try to compete with what we do. Do not attempt simply putting your hand around our penis and moving it quickly. This will hurt without the proper technique. The friction does not feel good. With women and their soft hands, we prefer it gentler and slower like a massage. Once you get the hang of it, try going faster, but don’t yank, god dammit. I hate it when girls try to jerk me off like they’re in a hurry. Only I can do that with prestige.
24. Haha, hahaha, hahahaha
Planking was invented by a man trying to piss with an erection.
25. In short, be clear with each other from the start
Ladies, when you are detailing certain problems to your male friend/lover, be aware that his natural tendency will be to formulate potential solutions for you. He thinks this will make you happy, so don’t be upset by this. If it occurs to you to mention it before you start the conversation you might get his undivided attention, since the problem-solving functions will be off the back burner.
Men, be aware that this is rarely what she wants from you. Generally, unless she says so, she wants you to listen and empathize.
If in doubt, clarify first whether she wants your input on the solution. If and when she does want your input, don’t be offended if she doesn’t choose to follow it. Some things that seem right to men don’t work for the ladies.
26. But once they get comfortable with you, they’ll let ’em rip
Men, most women lie about their pooping and primping habits. At least until a certain age.
When I was around 17, I went on a big trip with my boyfriend, his sister, best friend, and his mom. We got two hotel rooms, and stayed for about three days. I refused to poop in the room, because all I could think about was how my boyfriend might hear my big poop sounds, and turning the shower on wasn’t going to help. Not to mention what it might smell like after.
So, I would lie and say I had to go call my mom, and I would sneak down to the public restrooms by the pool. and poop in peace. It was a REALLY big, nice bathroom, too. One that played loud music and never, not once, had anyone else in there. My boyfriend never found out. When I’d come back, he’d say, “Damn, your mom talks for a long time.” Yes…yes, she does…
Also, when I was sixteen, I would be sitting, watching a movie at my house with a crush, and I’d excuse myself to go pee or get a snack, but really I’d run to the bathroom to go check on my makeup and make sure I still looked okay. Ah, teenage insecurities!
27. In short, vaginas, they rule (and drool, literally, but with like blood and “discharge”)
- Vaginas typically have discharge 24/7 as a natural cleaning system. The stuff is translucent, white or yellow, and a bit pink or brown when we’re near our periods. It dries up in our undies throughout the day. It doesn’t mean we’re aroused or dirty or sick.
- The hymen is not closed. It’s a ring of skin around the entrance of the vagina.
- Vaginas are not bottomless. At the end, there’s the cervix. It retracts when a girl is aroused. When a girl isn’t aroused, the cervix is only about a finger’s length away from the opening, and pounding against it will hurt like hell.
- Most women can’t have orgasms from penetration alone. For those who can, orgasms that are caused by penetration alone are different from those caused by rubbing/licking the clit, and also different from those caused by rubbing the G-spot.
- The size of a woman’s labia is genetically determined. In other words, labia size has nothing to do with how much sex a woman has.
- Men, women and intersex people can all have smegma. (Or, as Wikipedia puts it: “It occurs in both female and male mammalian genitalia”.)
- Menstrual pads and tampons need to be changed every few hours. Please put a waste basket with a bag and a lid in your bathroom, right next to the toilet. And please change the bag at least once a week.
- Want to pleasure a girl? Read up on the anatomy of the vulva. Every girl has slits on either side of the labia minora. Don’t rub those slits hoping to find a clit; it’s just not in there. The clit is between the labia minora, and the best way to find it is to start at the vagina and move your finger upwards.
- When we lie down on our backs, our breasts retract a bit into our bodies – unless they’re fake.
- Having a period can feel as bad as a high fever or food poisoning. It’s not just a bellyache, it’s pain throughout a girl’s entire body combined with uncontrollable sadness (and frequently diarrhea).
- When they’re young, boys are encouraged to be good to girls. Girls, however, are encouraged to stay away from men. Keep that in mind when flirting with younger women – they could still be scared, simply because they were raised to be.