1. He “doesn’t want to talk about it.”
This guy considers real conversation about emotions to be like a dog chasing its tail. If he hurt your feelings, he is likely to be one of those guys that adds stipulations to his apology, “I’m sorry that what I did hurt your feelings” instead of admitting what he did was, in itself, hurtful, and not just to you.
2. He does not know how to react when you’re crying.
And the results here can be disastrous. His reaction is often delayed, making you feel like even more vulnerable, and when he does react, it’s very untactful. The reaction can vary from telling a joke to giving you an unwanted, condescending ‘pep talk’ to getting mad that you’re upset, depending on the situation. Believe me this, a guy that can’t handle crying in any compassionate capacity is a huge red flag.
3. He wants you all to himself.
Or, at least, that’s how he tries to romanticize it. But what he really wants is to avoid other people. This includes your friends, your family, and any coworkers who are a part of your intimate circle of friends. Not only does he hold them in disdain, but he wants to keep you from them so that you can be there to make him feel validated.
4. You are probably the outgoing one in the relationship.
Otherwise, you would have never met. There are always exceptions to this, though, because relationship dynamics can’t be simplified. And, to the girls that are in an introvert-introvert relationship with an antisocial guy, beware. You will constantly have to be the one that puts yourself out there – in jobs, in social situations – and will be overcompensating for your significant other’s surliness towards others.
5. They have no filter.
This can range from being judgmental about how much you eat to spewing nihilistic (or sadistic) comments without a second thought. They view it as honesty. You view is as being entirely hurtful and uncivilized that they can’t broach an honest subject without being sensitive about it. Oftentimes, he feels that this is what he is forced to resort to, because he holds so much of his feelings inside from fear of talking about it and pushing you away, which leads us to our next point…
6. He is passive-aggressive.
This is, without a doubt, the worst part of being with an anti-social guy. At first, you take everything he does at face value. He seems like a strong, independent guy who just needs someone to help him learn to be a softer man. But, after a while, your delusional views of this guy wear off, and you see him for what he is – someone who uses indifference and withholding affection against you. After a while, you get tired of wondering whether he didn’t text you back because he was mad at you or because he fell asleep. You get tired of seeing him pout for weeks after you break some bad news. You will never get anywhere with passive-aggressive people, because you will always be questioning their intentions. And, these habits are often long term. Serious passive-aggression isn’t something that develops overnight, nor can it even be changed by a well-meaning, compassionate woman, because the passive-aggressives don’t want to talk about it.
7. He uses other people as scapegoats for his issues.
He is a fatalist, and nothing is his fault. It’s the world he lives in, the cruel, cold world. But, God forbid he contributes anything to the world…. antisocial guys are often cynical to social issues; they make satires out of other people’s real issues, and cast aspersions at those who are weak. Basically, they are members of a male fight club where the only resolution to problems is physical, angry catharsis (which doesn’t produce positive results, by the way) and criticizing the weak.
8. He is only looking out for himself.
Have you ever met someone who lies shamelessly to get results? Who is willing to push someone under the bus at their job in the name of having more “competency”? This is how they rationalize being able to push people around. “I am just better than they are”, or “she’s just stupid”. There is a constant process of dehumanizing others going on, because they are the only real thing to themselves.