Your mind has not processed that it. is. over. You cannot believe that they are gone. You cannot fathom not seeing them, not talking to them, not loving them; not being with them. You can’t kiss them goodnight because they kissed you goodbye. You can’t hold them tight anymore because they let go. You can’t tell them you love them because they checked out, bailed, gave-up. You can’t ask them to stay because they moved out, across the country or outside.
You don’t get to be their person anymore. The one who knows them like no one else does. The one who really knows what they are going through, what they are thinking and where they are heading. You don’t know what went wrong. You didn’t see it coming. You still can’t get your head around the fact that they are a part of your past not the future. And that they are a memory instead of a vision.
You don’t want to face a day without them. You don’t want to live a reality they are not a part of. You don’t want to live without their touch that made you feel safe. You don’t want to live without their voice that gave you comfort. You don’t want to live without their smile, their jokes, their silliness that brightened up your world.
Your heart is bleeding. Your eyes are pouring. Your memories are haunting you; the places, the conversations, the words and the silence. Thinking about it hurts. Drinking about it hurts. Talking about it hurts. Not talking about it hurts. Driving by their place hurts. Hearing about them hurts. Seeing their car by coincidence hurts. It’s not fair. It doesn’t make sense. It just hurts. It just breaks.
Just like that, you’re not the same. In an instant, your whole life changed forever. Something in you died. You look yourself in the mirror but you don’t see yourself. You see someone you can’t recognize. You feel disconnected from who you are. You are numb. You are filled with sadness and disappointment. You can’t believe that they out of all the strangers in this world are a stranger to you. You’re heartbroken because your heartbreak came from them of all the people you know. They dropped you like a cannonball. They locked you in a dark, empty room who they only have the keys to. They drowned you in an ocean of pain.
You thought you knew them. You thought they loved you. You thought that was it. You thought it was the most right feeling you have ever had. You thought they would never treat you like you were nothing, like you didn’t matter, like you didn’t exist. You thought that they saw you. You thought that they would choose you. You thought that it was your time. You thought it was your love story in the making process. You thought that your fear will fail you, that love will defeat all. You thought that forever was more than just a word.