You know that sagging, awful feeling in the pit of your gut that things “aren’t quite right” with your relationship? That’s what I want to talk about today.
Here are 13 signs that your relationship is in serious trouble and needs repair before it’s too late:
1. Communication Has Fallen Off
Or your communication been limited to boring exchanges about mundane topics. Even spirited arguments have given way too.
2. Spending Time Together Has Stopped Being A Priority.
Time for each other feels like it has become an afterthought.
3. One Or Both Of You Has Gotten A “Work Girl/Boyfriend”
This doesn’t automatically mean that you or they are cheating, but the transfer of intimacy from your partner to someone outside the relationship can be really bad for your bond. Sometimes this happens a little bit over time and then one day it turns into an affair when it wasn’t that originally.
4. Your Sex Life Sucks
One or both of you is constantly too busy, too tired or too “not in the mood” to hit the sheets.
5. You Repeatedly Try To “Talk About It” But Nothing Seems To Improve
Ever had those conversations where you go around and around with your partner but things only get better for a little while or nothing ever changes? Me too.
6. You Analyze Your Relationship With Your Friends And/or Family Constantly But Never Get To The Bottom Of Anything
Usually our people have a pretty good idea of how things are going— even if we don’t share the nitty gritty details. Sometimes friends and family will start to distance themselves from you because all you seem to want to do is talk about your relationship.
7. You Suspect That They’re Cheating On You
Whether they are or not, the fear that they’re having an affair has started to plague your thoughts.
8. “It’s Not the Same”
Pretty much sums up everything between the two of you.
9. One Or Both Of You Suspects That The Other Person Doesn’t Care Anymore
Now, whether or not this is true is not the real barometer. It’s the sense of not feeling cared for that is most telling.
10. You Dream Of It Being The Way It Used To Be
You know that feeling where you wish you could rewind things back to the way it used to be before you had the sinking pain deep in your gut?
11. You Feel Like It’s Hopeless Or You’ve Done All You Can Do
Sometimes you’re trying too hard— other times it’s just that you’re the only one actually trying.
12. You’re Starting To Think About Breaking Up
The internal “I know I can end this” pep talk starts— so does your mental tally of how exactly to move your overstuffed sofa and who gets the dog. You start considering whether you should “put up with this” any longer.
13. You Or They Shy Away From Any Talk Of The Future Or Further Commitment
“Concert next month? I sure don’t know… that’s a long way out”
What do you do if this is happening in your relationship?
Do Not Panic
Obviously all of these signs that things are not well between you don’t feel good. However, the things on this list DO NOT mean that things are over or that your partner is walking out on you this afternoon. Even if they are actively packing their bags, you must NOT succumb to fear.
Assuming they are leaving you when they’ve pulled away is frankly a sure way to psyche yourself out and put your love straight into the toilet. It’s still possible to repair things at this point, but it takes focus, strategy and effort. Not you sprinting around doing your best Chicken Little impression. Relationship insecurity panic (even when your relationship is really at risk) feels low value and desperate. Also, it’ll just push them away even further.
Get Off The Fence
Next, it’s important to consider what you really want. If you’re on the fence about whether or not you should break up with them or not, they can sense it. If you want to be with them, you have to make your decision and stick with it. Now, I’m not saying that you should ignore it if they treat you poorly— not at all. But I am saying that you need to get off the fence and make your OWN decision to stay or go.
Make Your Own Changes
You have zero control over anyone else, so that’s why I’m addressing you. Your partner may or may not want things to change, but one person committing to changing their energy can usually turn things around.
Usually when your relationship is sinking like this, one or both of you have lost yourselves. Fixing, worrying about, patching up and analyzing the relationship has taken center stage in your life and has crowded out your outside goals and passions. That’s why it’s so difficult NOT to be hyper-focused on “how it’s going.” It’s all you’ve got going on!
That’s why you’ve GOT to go out and get excited about your life again. If you were never excited about your life to begin with, it’s a great time to start.
I know you can do it!
If you’re like most women, this story will sound painfully familiar to you.
At first things are going great with a guy… there are the tantalizing calls and texts, flirty Facebook messages, and maybe things even get a little intimate…
Then it happens…
It seems like suddenly something snaps in him, and he starts to withdraw… then out of nowhere he just completely loses interest in you.
Your texts and calls start to go unanswered and soon he just disappears out of your life.
To make things worse, it’s usually not an isolated incident. If it happens once, it’s most likely going to continue to happen.
That was the exact story my relationship consultant friend James heard at a lunch meeting with a client a while ago. It was during that same lunch that James discovered an answer to perhaps the biggest piece in the dating and relationship puzzle…