I’m trying a new medication. My doctor recommended it. Said it would help with things. It’s a new drug, still in the testing phase, so they’re putting me on a ten day trial. Minimal side effects. Really no risk, so they say.
My doctor said I should document any changes I feel, good or bad, regarding my behavior. So I started this little diary. I feel kind of silly, I’ve never been the journal type. I just got home from the doc’s about twenty minutes ago. I’m about to take one of these little pills. I feel a little nervous, despite his reassurances. I’m probably just paranoid, as usual.
Anyway…here we go
Well, I didn’t sleep very well. I had headaches all night. The doctor said that was a possible side effect. Other than that, I haven’t noticed any other differences. I took some Advil around four and that seems to be helping.
I’m about to make lunch. They say I should take these pills on a full stomach. I’m glad I don’t have to go into work today. I think after lunch I’m going to take a nap. I’m tired and my head has finally stopped killing me.
It’s funny, this is the second entry I’ve written today. Maybe I actually like doing this? Anyway, I’m about to go to bed. Earlier, I ate lunch, took my pill, and then passed out on the couch. I had weird dreams. It’s strange because I NEVER have dreams.
Anyway, it’s almost midnight and I need to get some sleep. I’m going to try and make the most of my Sunday and get an early start, maybe go down to the lake. Hopefully it doesn’t rain.
I had a weird day today. Everything was fine until I went to the lake. I took my pill around noon before I went. I don’t know if that has anything to do with what happened (I don’t see how it could) but regardless, the whole point of this journal is to record anything out of the ordinary while on this trial.
So, I went to the lake around three. I brought my book and towel and laid out on the shore. It was sunny and warm, a nice day. There were a few families there, mostly little kids and a few teenagers.
Everything was going ok until…well…I heard this…horn.
Now, you have to understand this lake is out in the middle of nowhere. It’s a local secret. You have to take this awful dirt road through the woods to even get there. But once you’re there it’s beautiful. A year ago, some of the locals dumped sand along the shore and have kept it groomed since then. It’s like being at the ocean in the middle of a forest.
So anyway, it’s about six o’clock and the sun is going down and this…horn…starts blaring from the woods. It’s distant and low, rumbling across the water from the far bank. It reminded me of one of those old Viking horns.
Bewildered, I realized I was the only one who seemed to hear it. I looked around, tearing my sunglasses off, and no one even blinked at the sudden noise. Well after about three minutes, the horn finally stopped.
After that, I decided it was time to leave. I started packing up my car and froze, one hand on the driver side door.
Across the lake, three figures were watching me at the water’s edge. They were far away, too far to make out their features. It looked like three men, but I couldn’t be sure. Something was wrong with their faces, but no matter how hard I squinted, I couldn’t see clearly.
Thoroughly scared, I pulled my door open and hopped in my car. As I drove away I could feel their gaze in my rear view mirror.
I don’t know what to make of all this. I’m going to call my doctor. I had more dreams last night. My head hurts. I took my pill a little before breakfast, but I’m wondering if I should have held off. It seems to make these headaches worse.
I went to work today but couldn’t seem to concentrate. I felt like someone was watching me.
I feel like there’s someone watching me now
It’s four in the morning. I just woke up from a nightmare. I heard that horn again. I don’t know if it was outside or in my dream, but it woke me up. I’m sweating like crazy, it scared the shit out of me. I keep thinking I see things move past my window.
Well, today was much better. I called my doctor and told him about all the strange stuff. He told me the headaches and dreams were probably just a side effect, nothing to worry about. He seemed skeptical about the other stuff though. I told him everything and, God bless him, he listened to my ramblings. He assured me it was probably just stress related, but to contact him if it got worse. He reminded me that this wasn’t an approved drug, but it was the best chance we had of helping me.
I’m just going to suck it up. He said I just had to finish the ten day trial and then we could reevaluate. I’m halfway there.
More dreams last night. I dreamed something was sliding around my floor, like a shadow under my feet. Every time I tried to move away from it, it would zip back under me. I crawled up on my bed and it slid up the wall like a dark piece of paper. Right before I woke up, I thought I heard giggling under my bed.
When I got home from work today, something didn’t seem right in my apartment either. My closet door in my bedroom was wide open. I don’t remember opening it this morning, but I guess I could have forgotten about it. I made sure to close it tight.
It’s four in the morning. I’m fucking terrified. Something is giggling in my bedroom closet. I don’t know why, but every ounce of me is telling me to just ignore it and it’ll go away. I’m writing this down to keep myself from going into a full blown panic.
I’m sitting on my couch, wondering whether I need to call my doctor or not. I don’t feel good. I took my pill. I don’t know why.
I have this feeling that if I just make it through the ten days, everything will return to normal. I called out of work. I closed all the blinds. I just want to sit in the dark and not fall asleep. My head is still killing me. Something is really wrong with me.
I think there’s something standing on my balcony.
It’s midnight. I haven’t fallen asleep yet. I’m on my couch, haven’t moved since yesterday except to take my pill.
I can hear that horn again. It’s distant, barely audible, but there.
I think something is giggling in my bedroom.
I called my doctor today. I told him about all the horrible things that have been happening. You know what he said? He said I had to finish the ten day trial, that I needed to, or they would come get me. When I asked who, he hung up. He seemed flustered, scared. What the fuck is going on? Who’s doing this to me and why?
I’m still sitting on my couch. I don’t want to move. Work keeps calling me but I don’t care. I just need to finish this trial. Just be done with it.
I think there’s something in my bedroom. I can’t see it because my door is closed, but I can hear it. It walks around on heavy feet and then giggles. I feel like if I just ignore it, it can’t hurt me.
I’m fucking terrified though.
It’s three in the morning. I’m still on the couch. Something just opened the bedroom door. I can feel it staring at me, but I refuse to look at it. I’m writing this down to keep my eyes away from it. My heart is beating so fast I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The apartment is dark, but I can see the long black of its form out of the corner of my eye. It’s just standing there like its waiting for me to acknowledge it.
It’s going to kill me if I do. I know it will.
It just giggled at me, the child-like sound ripping through the darkness. What eight foot thing makes a sound like that? Why won’t it move? What does it want from me!?
There’s something behind me too. I won’t look, I won’t look, I won’t look. I need to keep my hands busy and focused on this so I won’t look.
It sounds like there’s…three…behind me…
I just need to make it until morning…just need to make it until the sun comes up…
I…made it. I suppose. I…I don’t even know what to say.
I called my doctor. Told him I finished the ten day trial…told him about my horrible night time visitors…and…and do you know what he fucking did?
He started laughing at me.
Big, loud gut-busting laughter. Once he got himself under control a little bit, he told me that the pills were harmless.
He told me the pills were Tylenol.
I sputtered, mind expanding with possible reasons to this revelation and reaction from him. He started laughing again and I asked what the hell he was talking about.
He said the whole trial was bullshit.
He said it was a little game he had concocted for me.
He said there was no hope for me.
He told me that a paranoid schizophrenic, like myself, who suffered from chronic hallucinations deserved to be in an asylum.
He told me that there was no helping me and that he just wanted to play off my illness, really wind me up, before recommending me to be institutionalized.
I hung up to his howling laughter. My hands were shaking, sweating.
I couldn’t fucking comprehend it. I couldn’t wrap my head around why he would do something like that.
I thought I was getting better…
The sane are an entirely different kind of sick…