10 Self-Sabotaging Mindsets That Are Unintentionally Ruining Your Life

1. “I’ll always be defined by my past.”

No matter how much you dwell on or obsess over the past, you can’t change it. You’re only wasting necessary time and energy on something you can’t do anything about. At this point, you can only move forward and use the past to become the best version of yourself.

2. “They won’t love me if they don’t do X and Y.”

This mindset is often seen in relationships, and this train of thought needs to end. I get that toxic relationships exist and people endure these things in abusive relationships. However, this unhealthy mindset exists even in healthy relationships. People have different love languages, and they say “I love you” in all sorts of ways. You just have to look closely at the signs.

3. “I’m never going to achieve anything.”

You are. Trust me, you are going to achieve great things, but you need to destroy this mindset. Instead of spending time making yourself feel bad, why not actively pursue a goal you’ve been putting off? Actions do speak louder than words.

4. “I’m never going to find love again.”

There’s nothing wrong with being single or being in a relationship. People can be happy with both sides of the coin, but what’s making you unhappy is dwelling on this mindset instead of using this time to focus on yourself. You don’t have someone? Great. You can go after that career. You can go to that bar and get drunk with your friends. Being single isn’t the end of the world.

5. “I’m never going to get a job.”

Everyone needs a job, whether they admit it or not. Trust me, you are going to find a job. However, you need to want it for yourself first. You need to get rid of this mindset and do everything in your power to get your ass up and find yourself a career. Get the future you want, because you deserve it.

6. “He loves me, but they’re just…”

Stop excusing toxic behavior. Stop tolerating things just because they’re your significant other. If you see a red flag, stop hoping they’re going to change for you. You don’t deserve to love the potential out of someone. You deserve someone who you love exactly as they are right from the beginning.

7. “My passion should always feel good.”

You’re allowed to be exhausted, even if your career is inclined towards something you love doing. Your passion doesn’t guarantee a path of sunshine and rainbows. It isn’t instant gratification just because you followed your passion.

8. “They’re going to change, just give them time.”

This is a line that every single person has been guilty of saying in one way or another. You can’t change, fix, or save someone. It isn’t supposed to be your responsibility in the first place. Don’t you get that this is how abusive friendships and relationships begin? You need to walk away before you get stuck and you can’t get out.

9. “People need to accept me exactly as I am or they don’t deserve me.”

This is toxic. Just like you shouldn’t tolerate someone’s unhealthy behaviors, they shouldn’t tolerate yours either. If something isn’t right, you shouldn’t have to keep silent and tolerate that kind of toxicity in your life. Friendships and relationships don’t work that way.

10. “Success just isn’t for me.”

There’s a difference between being complacent about your goals and actively doing something every day, no matter how small it may be. Success is vague, and everyone has different definitions of success. How will you be successful if you never even try? You can keep feeling sorry for yourself or you can actually do something about it.

Full-time Freelance Writer. Contributing Writer. MNL, PH.

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