To the girl who’s currently reading this,
I know you’re hurting right now. It’s the waiting that’s the worst part, right? You keep making excuses for him for every “he doesn’t deserve you” that has been said to you by your closest friends. All you ever did was wait for a text that was never going to come. You keep making these excuses like he’s just really busy or he’s probably overwhelmed with school when you know the heartbreaking truth- you were never a priority. A week has gone by since his last text to you and you wonder if he was ever yours to begin with. Every waking hour you spend, you want to drown yourself with distractions to stop yourself from caring about him. You try to numb yourself and act as in you’re the kind of girl who’s “chill” and can go days without talking to her boyfriend, but you know that’s not who you are. Caring is your best asset and yet, he’s making you believe it’s your greatest flaw. You shouldn’t even be with someone who makes you feel like you aren’t enough.
I know that you’re doing everything in your will to avoid texting him first, because you know he probably won’t even text you back. You stop yourself from going back into the toxicity of the drinking life but as every day passes, you’d rather be consumed with the feeling of intoxication than by the pain of missing someone who doesn’t care about you. You’d rather feel your lips touch the shot glass filled with vodka because it tastes better than an empty kiss. But alcohol can only make you forget for a certain extent before all the painful flashback hits you and gives you a devastating breakdown. For once in your life, in that moment of vulnerability, it hits you that he doesn’t value your feelings. Maybe he never even did. Maybe you were just a medication for his loneliness and sadness. Maybe he thought he could keep his entire freedom while being in a relationship. Maybe he just got tired of feeling alone, and you met him at the time he needed someone the most. Whatever the reason, he doesn’t love you because you don’t keep hurting the people you love. You can’t love someone and only think of your own selfish needs.
I’m going to say something you already knew in the first place, you absolutely don’t deserve someone who never gives you their time of the day. If a guy was really into you, he would go crazy just to know how your day went. He would want to constantly make you smile, whether it be through the most genuine good morning message or just a silly voice message. It doesn’t even matter if he constantly buys you things you want because let’s face it, gifts or flowers aren’t compensation for his inability to make you his top priority. Giving someone the time of their day, no matter how busy they are, is how you show you really love them. If they don’t, you already know where you stand in their life. You deserve someone you never have to question where you stand in their life, to be confident in your relationship with them. You deserve to get a text back and for days filled with good morning and goodnight texts, to let you know that you’re always on his mind. You deserve someone who has such a pure heart that he constantly makes you feel how much he loves you and is lucky to have you.
You deserve someone who spoils you with forehead kisses and iloveyous and unexpected hugs and not someone who pays more attention to their phone rather than to you when you are together.
You love with so much intensity that not everyone deserves you. Don’t you ever settle for less than what you deserve.
Don’t expect them to change, because not everyone changes for the people they love. You have a wildfire in your heart and you are meant to be loved with the same kind of intensity back. If you are ever given anything less, stop wasting your time on a stupid boy who won’t text back the greatest girl and the greatest loss that would ever happen to him.
If he won’t give you the world, give yourself the world instead. That is bravery.