When people talk about the core traits needed to make a relationship work, they often mention things like trust, communication, and friendship. While those things are definitely important, we often overlook the one single thing that encompasses all of them: appreciation.
We all want to feel appreciated by the person we are with, and vice versa. When you truly feel appreciated, there’s no need for doubts or insecurities, or any other issue that may later become a factor in the potential end of a relationship. When you and your partner are confident in your love for one another, those fears all go away. It’s about actively choosing each other. It’s really as simple as that.
It doesn’t have to come in the form of showering your partner with presents. In fact, it’s the opposite. Money isn’t appreciation, it’s a payoff for their affection. That’s not love.
Appreciation takes form when you tell your “person” you’re lucky to have them, because out of all the other people out there, they’re choosing you.
Appreciation is the soft kiss before parting ways to work in the morning, accompanied by a “have a great day!”
It’s the way they run their fingers through your hair as you watch Netflix.
It’s the way they smile at you for your efforts to make jokes that only you find funny.
It’s the handholding, the adventures, and the clichés.
When you appreciate your partner, you’re excited to celebrate important milestones together.
It’s about remembering important dates.
Appreciation is “we” and not “I”.
It’s your ability to see a future with them, even if that means planning a trip a few months out.
It’s about reflecting on how far you’ve come and how much you’ve shared. It’s about how in your eyes, no one else compares.
Appreciation is about being grateful to have someone who listens when you need to vent, and about being able to provide that same support to them when they need it.
It’s about wishing them “good luck” the day of a big meeting or interview that you remember them telling you about a few days before.
It’s the good night texts and the random messages throughout the day that say “hey this reminded me of you!”
It’s about emotional support, romantic passion, and your ability to be complete weirdos together.
Appreciation is telling them they look great, and making them feel it too.
When you stop appreciating your partner, problems will arise. When you stop appreciating your partner, they will notice that you’re no longer actively choosing them.
If you’re ever faced with an issue in your relationship that leaves you feeling insecure, it probably isn’t the right relationship for you. If you feel threatened by someone else outside of your relationship, or feel that your partner isn’t putting in the same amount of effort, it isn’t the right relationship for you. No other person has the ability to harm your relationship other than the actions of the only two people involved in it. Insecurities come when you no longer feel chosen and appreciated by the person you’re with. Appreciation builds communication, fosters a greater friendship, and overall creates a better sense of trust and security in the relationship.
Appreciation is key.
So if you really want to make a relationship last, appreciate the person you’re with or have the courage to let them go, so someone else can.