1. You forget everything
When you can’t find something crucial to your plans to leave the house and be a real person, such as your keys, sometimes you get incredibly frustrated with yourself. Other times, though, you’ve conditioned yourself just give up and accept it: “Where are my keys? Damn. I guess I’ll just leave the place unlocked. Humans can be good people, I feel. Or maybe I won’t leave at all. Bound to find them at some point. Daaaamn.”
2. People refer to you as being “chill”
You don’t get why, exactly, but they do. Wanna know why? It’s because everyone thinks you’re high as fuck.
3. You “gotta hear both sides”
You give people the benefit of the doubt more often than not, but mostly in stupid, clear-cut, one person is obviously wrong type situations that infuriate others but have little effect on your happiness. Like, it’s to the point where someone will tell a story about how their roommate stole their food, clearly wanting to vent, and you’ll respond with something like, “maybe they were just starving, man.”
4. You don’t think of the word “tight” in any other context but it’s slang context
You say “tight, tight” or “that’s so tight” or “yeah, it’s pretty tight,” and you don’t really get why people snicker at the last one? Oh. Whatever. Tight.
5. You really miss screensavers
You could watch the Windows ’97 multi-colored madness for daaaaaays.
6. You type things like “thiiiiiis” for emphasis
It’s the stoner version of the basic bitch “omggggg nooooo, reallyyyyyy?” excessive letter tick.
7. You smile a lot, like to yourself
You don’t smirk. You smile. Genuinely. Because of a happy thought. Like once every twenty minutes. Why is that weird? Is everyone pissed off? Yes. Everyone is pissed off besides you, because you are perpetually stoned (but not really).
8. You make yourself laugh
*you start laughing about something you saw earlier*
“What are you laughing about?”
“Duuuuude, okay, so—”
9. You call everyone “dude” and “man”
And you know it’s weird, but you also don’t feel like it’s weird. You’ve been saying “dude!” in different inflections as a response to good, bad, and ugly news since you were like, nine years old.
10. People think you’re high and tell you “you’re so funny when you’re high”
Which makes you wonder how hilarious you’d be if you were high all the time?
11. You know you’re actually not that funny, cool, or anything but totally blissed out when you’re high
You have smoked weed and you enjoy it, but you kind of suck at it in terms of being more enjoyable when you’re high. It just feels like your brain is moving at an even faster clip. Yeah, yeah. You know about strains. You get it. You’re just not a weed aficionado, you’re a dabbler. And not in dabs. Fuck, what are dabs anyway, dude?
12. Your parents always tried to prove you smoked weed
Why? Because they probably smoked a ton of weed in their day and they wonder if their kid takes after them, or worse, if their kid is just…well, a natural stoner personality.
13. You could smoke weed, though
You’ve had bad experiences with weed in the past, maybe, but you often find yourself wondering, “should I just commit? Should I just be a stoner for real, since everyone thinks I am anyway?” and then you think of how you’d probably become one with your couch for the rest of your life, and you think “yeah, better not.” But that’d be so tight.