1. You’re a team that gets shit done
The two of you become a unit that can launch a plan of attack to take down anything: family dinners, boring professional events, long car rides, IKEA furniture—it doesn’t matter, you’ve got it on lock. You never work against each other and there’s no petty sabotage. You love seeing each other win, you’re like a super supportive pair of Olympic ice skaters, or the two cups of a bra, or the two slices of bread on a grilled cheese, whatever. You’re two good things that make a better thing.
2. You have ready-made plans all the time
Everything you two do together is better than what you do separately. Seriously, they make even the most boring, lame things the most fun ever.
3. Your friends are their friends, and vice versa
They know what all your friends are up to and they ask for updates on them. They’re not trying to get out of the conversation, but are actually engaged. They want to know what’s happening with that new guy Mary is dating and they want to know right fucking now.
4. You guys high five, a lot
Got the mail? High five. Got stoned? High five. Promotion? High five. Took a shower? High five. Good sex? High. Fuckin. Five.
5. You don’t argue over the past
When your partner is your best friend, you don’t care about the stuff they did before you. You might poke fun at each other for how one of you used to be in band or men’s choir, but you don’t bring up ex’s and petty things from the past in an attempt to hurt the other person. You’re happy to be together right now, always.
6. You have fun sex, like really fun
Sex will be FUN. It will be dirty and hot, but it will also be fun. You won’t worry about what your body looks like or anything because this person is your PERSON. They’re not judging. They love you for you and that’s the good shit right there.
7. You hate the same things and people
They roll their eyes at all the things you roll your eyes at and that’s love. You know it’s love when they hate all the same things you hate and you never have to justify your hates because they are right there with you. It’s like, if that’s not a soul mate, then what is?
8. Every meal you eat is two courses
You share everything, and it literally takes you less than 120 seconds to look at the menu, decide what you’re both getting and how you’re splitting it, and be instantly ecstatic to devour the food like animals momentarily.
9. Your families are (kind of) like one big family, in a good way
No one who’s blood related to you guys hates each other. That, in itself, is an accomplishment. On top of that, your parents know each other, and ask about each other, as if they’re parents of one of your close friends and they’ve lived on the same block for years. It makes things feel ten times easier.
10. You share the stuff you like
There’s no competition over who liked what thing first, you just get excited to share what your fav did with your other fav.
11. You deal with the stuff you find painfully boring, and reward each other for it
You don’t like all the same stuff, though, but you respect when you don’t. You subject yourself to hours of their favorite show, and if you don’t complain, you get a treat, like getting to pick what delivery you order or extra minutes of oral service, let’s be honest. It’s an incredibly effective system.
12. You’re kind of gross around one another
You kiss with morning breath. You wear sweatpants and do not give a single fuck. You devour whole pizzas, side by side. You spit. You pop each other’s pimples. And it is gross. And what’s grosser is how incredibly satisfying it is.
13. You play like asshole little kids
Tickle fights, slap fights, word games, everything. You’re never bored because you’re always playing and messing with each other like total dicks. You play hide and go seek or the “penis!” game in public and everyone kind of hates you but you love each other, so eh.
14. You’re sarcastic towards each other and about your relationship on social media
#WCW and #MCM are reserved for pictures in which the other person actually looks ridiculous, and you aren’t about to let them get away with a particularly lame status without your snarky comment on it first. You keep each other accountable and *100,* and that is the truest form of caring for another human’s well-being in 2014.
15. But you’re still the first person to brag about how great the other is, without even realizing that you’re doing it
You talk for five minutes about them without realizing you’re a babbling dickweed, and people don’t even stop you, because you know what? Love is love, man. Especially when it’s not nauseating.