5 Tips For You To Score At The Gay Pride Parade

It is that time of year again! My favorite time; when all the gays come out to play. I mean straight people get 20 parades a year at least, why can’t we have a few!? Pride is like Mardi Gras for gays, except there’s wayyy more man boobs. Get ready to put on your big girl or boy pants, and step up your game. This is the single’s superbowl! Are you ready to rumbleeeee!? Here are some tips to make sure you bring your A game!
image - Flickr / Guillaume Paumier
image – Flickr / Guillaume Paumier

1. Be bold

Do you know how many people will be there?! It’s going to be a gay mad house. Now is not the time to be shy, and it’s definitely not the time to pussyfoot around. If you think someone is cute, go talk to them! But keep in mind there’s literally thousands of other people they can chat with, so try not to be boring. With all the distractions, you’ll have about one minute to work your magic. After one minute or so, people will decide if they want to continue talking or move on. So be intriguing and unique in your approach. The clock is ticking my introverted friend! But the good news is you’ll both be drinking and most people will have their communication guard down. That means it’s the perfect time to strike! It’s not like you’re walking up to them in a Starbucks and asking for their number. (I’m 2/3 on that by the way.) Remember – identify, strategize, initiate!

2. Dress to impress

It’s going to be a gay fashion show out there. If you want someone to notice you in the crowd, you must stand out. Go out there with an identifier. Try a bow tie, some suspenders, or my personal favorite – the fedora. Anything that will draw additional attention and make people remember you. That way if they see you at 1pm, it will be easier for them to find you at 6 pm.

3. Some more dress tips

  • Dress sexy, not slutty. (So we’re talking Jennifer Lawrence, not Jennifer Lopez)
  • Wear bright colors, but easy on the neon! (I don’t want to squint when I’m talking to you.)
  • Be yourself, and be confident. (It radiates!)
  • If you know you look good, other people will be drawn to your self-assurance. Don’t doubt your mirror, you got this!

4. Avoid awkward ex situations

Chances are, you’ll see 2-10 people you’ve slept with at pride. It’s unavoidable and there’s no point trying to hide. Take those skeletons out of your closet and bury them for good. You can’t let seeing them ruin your fun. Whatever past you had, leave it there. Be cordial, say hi and get outta there! Don’t get drawn in, and avoid long conversations. Keep them to 3 minutes or less. Once you stop with the ‘hello, how are you’ section of the convo, things can get awkward fast! You’re not there to rekindle old flames, you’re there to get some new kindling.

5. Don’t get sloppy

While it’s always nice to booze at these events, take all necessary measures to avoid over drinking. You’ll never pull hotties if you can’t stand up to dance with them! You really want to be remembered as pukey mcpukerson? While you’re getting to third base with the toilet, the hot girl you had your eye on just got swept off her feet by a fohawk in argyle Vans. Damnit. It’s a good idea to bring a buddy to keep you in check. Better yet, bring a few buddies. Mostly because there’s a 50/50 chance your ‘rational’ buddy will get hammered. Generally, people are the most fun in the middle stage of drunk. I know I am! When I catch a buzz, my game is totally on point. I have no inhibitions, no fear of rejection, and will talk to anyone. I call it my MJ time! Because I’m clutch like Michael Jordan and smooth like Michael Jackson. We’re talking popcorn and chocolate smooth. But once I get past that point, I’ll be lucky to type 10 numbers in my phone. Have you ever tried to call the hottest girl ever with 8 numbers? Apparently 845-87-968 doesn’t work. Well there goes the girl of my dreams. #DontDrinkAndMac.

If you pull this right, you could have one of the best times of your life. If you overdo it on booze and underdo it on your outfit, you may be disappointed in the outcome. But lezzbehonest, you’ll have fun either way- whether you remember it or not. TC mark

For more thoughtful relationship advice, check out Claire’s Thought Catalog Book here.

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