1. Delete a post if the likes-to-minutes-posted ratio isn’t high enough. We all saw it. I mean, I agree, that picture of avocado toast & a fruit cup deserved better than 2 likes in 13 minutes, but everyone will casually pretend it never happened instead of calling you out for caring so much.
2. Posting an inspirational quote as the caption on a selfie. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”…. Now like this picture of my face and #followforafollow.
3. Announce that they’re about to unfriend or delete some people from their profile. There are even commenters who’ll say things like “I hope I make the cut!”
4. Document the “EPIC” moment they’re “reunited” with their friend, even though it’s just brunch and they saw each other three weeks ago.
5. Posting screenshots of their exchange with some guy who was trying to flirt/show interest. This is actually pretty mean to do. I mean, I know it’s obnoxious to receive unsolicited courting attempts, but when did public humiliation surpass privately rejecting or flat out ignoring as the best course of action?
6. Brutally rejecting “thirsty” commenters. Much like the previous point – the only difference here is that a commenter is being bold enough to make their statement publicly. Calling them “thirsty” or worse is pretty brutal. It’s the equivalent of someone holding up their hand for a high-five and you shoving a middle finger in their face, then stepping on their shoes as you walk away, leaving them hanging.
7. Aggressively complimenting their friends. Anything from posting her as your #WCW to commenting on her selfie like, “OMG I’M SLAIN. I’LL NEVER RECOVER. My friend is a supermodel, I can’t EVEN!” Imagine guys posting “My #MCM this week is my bro Allen. Your chiseled jaw is so masculine and handsome. SLAY, my dude!!!”
8. Take the outfit selfie that’s actually like four photos stitched together, each highlighting a different aspect of the ensemble. One for shoes, one of the jewelry, one of your eyeliner and of course, the full body shot. It looks like a Picasso painting made a baby with Forever 21.
9. When you’re satisfied with the appearance of anything on your head, just take a photo of it and boast. “Eyebrow game on point!” “Love a good hair day!” “Woke up like this! LOL, not really, but still #nofilter”
10. Retweeting compliments. Everyone is beyond ecstatic to hear that you’re “Sooo hilarious!” and totally made Madison’s day go “from terrible to friggin amazeballs!” Really, kudos, we were wondering if you were funny and capable of making a lackluster day turn into some term Perez Hilton uses.
11. Post played out memes that have been shared, screencapped, and filtered so many times, they’re now murky and pixelated.
12. Posting pictures in a dressing room, debating whether to buy something or not. It’s always got a caption saying “Quick Twitter/IG/FB, I need a verdict on this dress” and literally every time, the commenters overwhelmingly respond “YAAAAS!”
13. Posting an Instagram video doing literally nothing but changing facial expressions or panning around her body. Albeit, this is mostly Instagram models, but it’s essentially 10+ seconds of smiling, making a scrunched face, blowing kisses, sticking her out tongue playfully, and an awkward impromptu ending to the world’s most cringe worthy short film.
14. Hotdog legs pictures.
15. Dramatically post about how much they hate drama.
16. Openly discussing wanting to cuddle, or be romantically involved with someone in general. Honestly nobody wants to be stuck with a body pillow in late November, if we’re being real.
17. Using excessive hash tags. How many is too many? Is that question subjective? Should the government step in and regulate hash tagging? 4, no, and I’m sure Obama has something in the works.
18, Write paragraph long captions on pictures. A full-blown essay accompanying a single photo doesn’t seem like much when women do it. As a guy though, if you want to write that much, you feel obligated to just open a word doc, get that Times New Roman size 12, double spaced setup going, and have at it.