1. The One That Insists On Arguing In Public.

It’s almost as if this boyfriend/girlfriend feeds off of the uncomfortable energy and appalled expressions of onlookers as he/she gets louder, angrier and increasingly hysterical in the restaurant, or at the party, or wherever you’re regretting going out to, while your insides are filled with humiliation. All of the room’s eyes are on you and while you’re mortified, you kind of understand because you get that this moment would be quite enjoyable to watch if you weren’t involved in it.

2. The Complainer.

It’s too cold. It’s too hot. This is so expensive. This is so cheap. It’s gross in here. It smells out there. This room is too bright. This room is too dim. We’ve been in all day, I want to go out. This place sucks, I want to go home. I understand the wanting to be in a social environment until you’re there, then wanting to go home thing, but at some point a person has to stop complaining and killing all of the good vibes like some type of positivity sniper. Unfortunately, pessimistic types aren’t exactly likely to change on a whim.

3. The Young One.

Unless you’re both definitive homebodies, dating someone who’s under 21 when you’re of legal drinking age gets tricky. Now, your date of birth doesn’t make you a crappy boyfriend/girlfriend, but the circumstances can make the relationship a pleasant one. Three things can and entirely too often, do happen here:

1. The younger person feels excluded and unhappy about being unable to attend certain hangouts. Relationship goes kaput.
2. The older person doesn’t go where their significant other can’t go, so they miss opportunities to spend time with friends and tension builds. Relationship goes kaput.
3. The younger person finally turns 21 and, because they’re freshly being introduced to a whole new world of bars and clubs, they constantly want to be out whereas the older person has been there, done that and is over it. Worst case, younger person now wants to be young, wild & free. Relationship. Goes. Kaput.

4. The More-Like-A-Parent-Partner.

They’re less like a lover and more like a chaperone. It’s amazing how often people forget that you’re supposed to have fun with the person you’re dating. It’s not supposed to feel like you can’t be seen laughing or having a good time – this isn’t Matilda where Miss Trunchbull will lock your ass in The Chokey for enjoying life. If you want to spend time with friends or make adult jokes or watch an R-rated movie, you shouldn’t be hesitant to do so because you’re dreading your significant other’s hostile reaction.

5. The “Realistic” One.

Ah, the dream killing, goal squashing, aspiration slaying lover. Will Smith once said, “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity.” That’s beyond accurate and who wants to be with someone who encourages practicality and doesn’t further motivate you to do the things you want in life? Embrace high risk, high reward opportunities, attempt the unheard of, live life like it’s the Tumblr search results for the word “inspirational.” It’s essentially impossible to do those things with an in-the-box-thinking lover.

6. The Possessive One.

The clinginess is flattering and adorable at first, but when you’re treated like a toy belonging to a selfish child long enough it gets exhausting. Stay involved in this too long and you’ll wake up with their name written on the bottom of your food like ‘ANDY’ did Woody.

7. The Double Standard One.

If you interact amicably with an ex it’s the end of the world but they think it’s okay to be cool with people they’ve dated in the past. Don’t raise your voice at them, but endure their rising volume during arguments. Don’t have a bunch of women/men friends but they will, so deal with it. There should be some sort of established, mutual understanding that includes equal levels of respect. Double standard enforcers are typically also the controlling types.

8. The Comparer.

My ex did this. This couple did that. That character that isn’t real life but is incredibly romantic in a movie did this & that. Why can’t you do sweet things like that romantic character in a movie who isn’t real life but did this & that? Seriously, this must be what parents feel like when a kid tries to get permission to go to a party by saying “But, so-and-so’s mom & dad are letting him go!” and slightly offended they respond, “WELL GOOD FOR THEM, but I’m your parent.” Also, the expectations from this person aren’t necessarily high. For example, say their ex was “busy” a lot and turned out to be cheating – well now every time you work late your whereabouts and actions will be questioned.

9. The Master Manipulator.

Words will be twisted, lies will be told, exaggerations will be made and they’ll hope to sway your opinions and flip the script, turning themselves into the victim and you into a monster. Conversations with this person are a lot like a heavily edited reality TV series that stretches the truth until it can be molded to fit the absurd storylines desired. If you’re not about that VH1 life, don’t even bother.

10. The One Who Lied To You The Entire Time And You Kind Of Knew But Tried To Ignore It.

Many times liars aren’t nearly as smooth as they’d like to believe and intuitions are strong enough to pick up on things. While this person is much like the aforementioned manipulator, the suckiest part of this relationship is that you knew. Your gut, instinct, and intelligence – they warned you and could’ve saved some valuable time, but alas you tried to give that person the benefit of the doubt. Still, these unfortunate, crappy, toxic, unsuccessful relationships are endured in the hopes that one person will be the type of significant other that makes all the sucky stuff worth it. 

Like this? Read our bestselling ebook Not A Match here.