Thought Catalog

Chaos Magic

  • 0
Chrissy Stockton

My friend flies to LA for the purpose of going to a party in the hills he feels like going to. He says you have to light money on fire and watch it burn. You have to tell the universe “these are the motherfucking rules.”

I go to Chicago and I eat everything I want to eat. I consume crab for breakfast two days in a row. My friend and I pick at a plate of jumbo shrimp arranged on a bed of ice (soigné) and share filet and venison and pork belly. I go back to my hotel and pay $20 for a small dish of ice cream to be delivered to my room.

I set the bowl on the window and look at the skyline and read a book about loneliness. The writer says that loneliness isn’t a topic even social scientists are comfortable talking about because it’s still so taboo to be lonely. She says the only people who really talk about loneliness are songwriters.

I don’t know if I feel lonely sitting on that windowsill in Chicago even though I am alone. I feel the way I always do, I guess. I feel understood by the book the way people in books and people who write books have always made me feel understood. Before I knew the phrase ‘irl’ I knew that irl was never going to be the place I felt most at home, which is a lonely thing to know from a young age, maybe.

The world is susceptible to chaos magic, my friend says, you have to set the rules. The rule I make is that I’m not afraid of scarcity anymore. By taking this trip I am demonstrating the way I permit the world to work: there is enough, there is a way to feel like enough.

The reason you don’t talk about a taboo is because you are afraid to lose something — the respect or admiration or affection of a person or a group of people or the world at large. The abundance I am insisting into existence is that this must not need to be true, that perhaps we are all waiting for someone else to be the first to say the terrible thing so that we can confess, too. A chorus of people saying “I’m lonely” slay the dragon just by speaking it’s name.

The rules are that we have to say the words. We have to say “I’m lonely” or “I’m afraid”. The rules are we have to be brave enough to name each feeling as if you are simply noting a change in weather. The rules are that as soon as you do this, it is so. TC mark

I asked women to tell the story behind one of their Instagram photos 📸

“This is me on the roof of my building forcing myself to laugh. Every time I make my best friend take photos of me I remember that I’ve been single for 5 years and don’t have anyone to be in the photo with me. I’m just alone. My hair looks good though.”

This is the reality of Instagram...
Powered by Revcontent

Poetry that will change you

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.” — James Altucher

You’ve never read poetry like this before

More From Thought Catalog