1. A pair of jeans that have not been worn in ~4 years but which are left in the bottom of a drawer, to be tried on once a year to check the “progress” of trying to fit into them again.
2. At LEAST 8 half used shampoos and conditioners. Taking a shower in a woman’s apartment is always a struggle because at any moment you are cognizant of trying not to cause an avalanche of all the products stacked precariously around the edge.
3. A bath product that is deemed “too fancy” to use. It will be stored in the cupboard or displayed somewhere until the end of time.
4. Nair. Nair is a cream you put on your body that dissolves your hair. For some reason we as a species have decided something that melts part of your body off is an okay thing to use. But it smells bad, so it lives permanently at the back of the cupboard.
5. Her third grade diary. I have ~5 diaries in the draw at the bottom of my bookshelf. Even though it’s totally embarrassing to read fifth-grade you complaining about not being invited to Kristin S’ birthday party, that’s not the type of thing you could ever throw away. Plus, it’s just hilarious to read every once in awhile.
6. A yoga ball that bounces around collecting dust most of the time. Occasionally it’s used by a guest when the couch is full. Once a month it’s used to do crunches as part of a new routine that never sticks.
7. A t-shirt or sweatshirt that belongs to an ex. My Wayzata Football sweatshirt has survived all moves and will go with me to the grave. It’s far too comfortable to get rid of, and it’s just nice to wear it and have nice memories of someone you used to love.
8. Pretty boxes. Some are large and hold old photos and trinkets, some are so tiny they can only hold a few rings — the point isn’t what the boxes are able to hold so much as they just look pretty while they do it.
9. One or more candles whose sole purpose is to be displayed, not burned.
10. Framed photos with vague statements inside of them. They are soothing and oddly encouraging in their mystery.
11. Down comforters. These are not themselves a “bizarre” item — but down comforters are bizarre in their ubiquity. It’s very rare for a woman to have another kind of comforter.
12. Mason jars that are not used for jar-related purposes. They can be custom handled ones from Etsy that are used as drinking glasses, regular mason jars repurposed to be candle holders, or jars closed up and filled with tiny pieces of paper recalling specific memories or compliments that’s over from some girls weekend.
13. A vision board. Pinterest can’t replace a an hour or two spent paging through magazines and tearing out every image that speaks to you. The way a certain woman wears her hair, the reminder that you love a city skyline more than any other kind of view — inspiration for your wardrobe or redecorating. Vision boards are the great American past time, they help us figure out our aesthetic preferences, and turn them into reality.