1. You find yourself wondering, out loud, “Why can’t I find an A-list boyfriend?” and then you realize you are talking about a phone app. This is my life, these are my choices.
2. You now own a vacation home next to the Kardash store in Miami, but you can’t afford to furnish it.
3. Starting an 8-hour photoshoot right before bed and wanting to quit playing for the night, but realizing that the media is going to tear you apart if you phone it in. Ugh. Being famous is hard.
4. Even though it’s just a game, you truly have slightly less respect for yourself due to how much you’ve been sucking up to Kim.
5. It kind of makes you want to cry that in the game it only costs $15 to fly to Miami.
6. Dating is even more of a nightmare than real life. The only guys you can get to date you are a level below you and even then you have to pay for everything and go on four dates before they’ll even mention you on Twitter.
7. Fucking Willow Pape. Once you make the A-list you can’t even throw drinks on her anymore because it “looks bad.”
8. You dress your character up in the clothes you would wear… and then you realize you are an actual adult playing with dolls.
9. Every single date you have begins with the guy calling you ugly. Yes, truly I needed a game to experience the fact that some people are assholes. I’m so thankful for this rich fantasy world that takes my mind off of my everyday life.
10. Even your IRL text messages become consumed with all things KKH.
11. There’s no Scott Disick? Do the Kardashians really not understand that LD is the best Kardashian? (Hand hug.)
12. When you are finally A-list everyone wants to talk to you and you get annoyed because you don’t realize you stopped to talk to an E-list loser and wasted your time until after it’s too late. People should have to wear their popularity rank on their shirt.
13. All the really cute clothes cost Kardashian stars instead of cash, which is much harder to come by unless you pay actual money for game money which is ridiculous… except I really need the galaxy leggings and the purse with a cat in it.
14. Buying a pair of $300 sneakers for your NBA boyfriend and he doesn’t even call to say thank you or mention you on Twitter. :(
15. You definitely cannot tell your non KKH playing friends how stressed out you are about “all your appearances.” Nope. Probably not something they will understand.
16. Not having enough energy for work and dating. You have to pick which one to spend it on. Please, this is a fantasy, please let us have both.
17. At the end of the day, we are still just plebes in the Kardashian universe.