My friends kid: Mommy, how old are you?
My friend: 32
Kid: Oh. That’s a good age to die, I suppose.
Christmas Eve. Heard my 3 year old daughter say “don’t worry.. you’ll go down in history.”
Came around the corner to see what she was up to. She was in front of her play kitchen, stirring the frying pan.
In the frying pan was the head of a Rudolph reindeer toy.
This is spot on my girlfreinds little sister at the age of 3 was stroking my new 3 month old puppy when she started to put her hand against it’s neck and measuring the size of her hand against it. She then turned and said to me:
Her: “I think i could kill this puppy”
Me: “What? Why would you kill it shes lovely”
Her: “No I’m not saying i will but i really really could”
At this point the girlfriend walked back in the room and saw me with fear in my eyes.
Conversation with my daughter when she was 2:
Me: “What do you want for breakfast honey?”
Me: “Nooo, what–”
Her: “Can I eat the baby?”
She then goes and grabs her baby doll and proceeds to slam it in the oven. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she didn’t scream “SHUT UP!” at it when the doll started ‘crying.’
My son is 2.5 so we have many many years of creepy ahead. But for now…
The other day he was rolling around on the floor in the living room, doing these really weird looking somersault things.
“Whatcha doing, bud?”
“Just trying to bite my penis.”
“Oh. Well…be careful…”
Talking to my wife about needing to update our wills since we’d moved house, and I jokingly said to our 1-year-old, “That means if Mummy and Daddy die, you get all our stuff!”. He looked at both of us, his eyes shifting back and forth thoughtfully, then slowly smiled.
Once day I found out my son was getting bullied by three other boys. I was going to call the school about it but my husband told me not to. I can only assume he told our son to fight them…
The day after my son came home from school all smiles. I asked him if the other kids were still giving him trouble and he just laughed and said “no, not anymore”. Meanwhile, I saw my husband in the mirror, he had his arms crossed any he was nodding, he was probably thinking “fuck yeah, that’s my boy”
A few days pass and I think nothing of it. Then my son gets a virus on his computer and asked me if I could use my personal laptop while my husband got rid of the virus. I told him sure, and logged him in. He used it for a few hours until my husband got rid of the virus, then he shut down the laptop and gave it back to me.
Later that night I decided to go on Facebook and I noticed my son forgot to log out of his account. I know I shouldn’t snoop, but I was too tempted, so I looked at his messages. I saw he sent a message to the three boys that were bullying him, and I read it. The message was along the lines of “hey Chris did you cry like a bitch today because you saw your teeth on my necklace? If any of you fuck with my again I’ll be adding more teeth to my necklace”. Then he added a photo of this string with a bunch of teeth tied to it, his “necklace” I assume.
So, I found out my son wears a teeth necklace to school.
Not a parent, but when my brother was younger (around 4 years old I think) he had his own poop and pee in Play-Doh containers under his bed. My mom found it when she was cleaning his room. He said he was “practicing to be a doctor.”
As a 16 year old girl I babysat two boys, aged 6 and 3. The older one was always well-behaved, but as soon as he turned 7 he became spoiled, hyper and inappropriate. The last time I babysat those kids, he ran up to me and grabbed my breasts. Because of his age I assumed he didn’t understand why it was wrong to do that and tried to lecture him on why it was inappropriate. He interrupted me half way through by pulling down his pants and giving me a really creepy smile. And that’s how I learned that perverted children exist. Told his parents about the incident and never went back.
I was babysitting this kid for my mom’s friend. The kid, Tyler was like 5 or 6. Anyway, I’m chilling with him in the kitchen of his house, and it’s pretty normal. All of a sudden he says “Have you ever seen anyone die before?” I was a little suprised and creeped out, but replied “No…?” Then Tyler looks at me with a creepy-ass, wide-eyed stare and says “Just wait.”
I’m kinda fucking hella freaked right now, and Tyler gets up and goes to the cabinet and opens an air tight jar of peanuts and grabs a handful and scarfs them down. I look at him and ask “Dude, what are you doing?” He looks at me with the same face and says “My mom didn’t tell you? I’m allergic to peanuts.” Fucking great.
I drove him to the hospital and he got a shot and everything was alright. His mom said he had never acted like that before and I’m pretty sure he’s fine now. It was crazy though.
According to my parents, when i was like 3 i told my parents that god made me wait till all my other 4 siblings died to be born, my mom freaked out, they had never told me that they misscarried / lost 4 kids before me.
I’m not a parent but the creepiest thing I ever discovered while babysitting was that this seven year old kid had a dead fly pile. He made a game out of catching flies with his bare hands, but unlike normal people who would just walk away from the scene of the crime, he decided to keep them as trophies or something. So in the bottom of his closet he had a little pile of dead flies no one else knew about. I didn’t say anything.
There was a girl I used to go to school with and she told me a story about her sister once.
Her sister had an easy bake oven, and the family had some goldfish. One day, the sister decided to wake up extra early so she’d be able to make the family breakfast. Cute, right? Wrong. What she had planned for breakfast was Goldfish à la Easy Bake. Her goldfish died under a lightbulb.
I babysat a kid who drowned animals (a duckling and 2 baby chickens) in the backyard pond “to watch the bubbles.” His mother told me that; she was not at all disturbed but seemed to be bragging about his curiosity. I nearly threw up. He wanted to be a cop when he grew up. I had a lot to say about it, and then I wasn’t asked to babysit anymore.
As a child, my wife made a guillotine for her Barbies. Revolution, apparently.
The first real noises that my baby daughter learned to make, other than crying of course, were growls.
We found out in the middle of the night. Through the baby monitor.
My two neices were playing with some post-it notes at my mother’s house. The younger one was writing little messages on them, and sticking them on things.
“I love you”, “hello!”. Stuff like that.
I walked past them just to hear the older quietly telling they younger one to “write one to Grandma, saying you’re going to kill her”.