I had no idea what the difference was between sex and making love until I was 23.
I was with an older gentleman at the time and he asked me “what’s your definition of making love? I replied, rose petals and candlelight. He said that’s your definition of making love? Wow, there is a lot I need to teach you.
Clearly I was missing the emotional experience of sex that’s shared with someone you truly care for and love. As a teenager my only reference to sex was porn, that’s how I learned how to have sex.
As years went on, I now have a very clear understanding of how sex and making love are very different acts.
Sex is bio-mechanical and instinctive, we all know how to do it. Love making is slow, sensual, not goal oriented which allows us to experience the metaphysical being of oneness, this type of love making is truly an art in itself.
Many men I speak to and coach still have no idea what the difference is, because the majority use porn as an educational tool.
For a man becoming a great love – maker is about having the proper attitude and knowing how to use your erection as an instrument of romantic expression.
To become a great lover, you must first understand the difference between ordinary sex and making love.
Sex vs. Making Love
What’s your motivation?
Do you want to have a physical experience with no emotional connection or do you want to be intimate and express passionate LOVE to reach new depths with your lover?
Sex can be a physical thrill for a night or a few encounters, but lovemaking can be an ecstatic adventure of a lifetime and most women can feel the difference.
Sex is a simple physical act, so simple that even animals do it. But lovemaking is a complex expression of LOVE. It’s a desire to communicate the love you have for the other person non-verbally.
It gives you a chance to express all the good feelings and thoughts you have about your lover. To better explain the difference, lets put them into two categories:
- Heights of Sex
- Depths of Making Love
The heights of sex, generally focuses on stimulation and nervous system response. This type of sex is commonly expressed by only a physical experience and is measured by the intensity and quantity of stimulation.
This depths of sex encourages both partners to make use of their minds, bodies, and souls to access each other’s heart.
This type of love – making allows each partner to explore any hidden issues and inhibitions that may arise during a truly intimate experience. Lovemaking allows us to exceed the limits of our physical body, and merge with one another.
Lovemaking is about your lover’s mind, body and soul, the whole person, not just her body.
It’s very easy and ordinary to just have sex, but to know how to connect with a woman on a deeper level, and win over heart, mind and soul takes a little bit of commitment.
Your feelings and thoughts of her will be different everyday, and using those feelings to determine what you do during lovemaking will have an added benefit.
Allow your intuition to guide your gestures and movements, you will find yourself being more creative. You will never have to worry about repeating yourself or thinking about what to do next.
Sex without love is not lovemaking. The best part about lovemaking is that it becomes effortless, because you are not thinking about what Olympic – style performance you should put on.
You become your authentic self at that moment.
Great love-makers spend a lifetime exploring and learning the female sexual anatomy.
Great love-makers have an instinctive knowledge about the inner workings of their body as well as a woman’s sensuality. They learn how to synchronize with their lovers’ movements.
The best part about lovemaking with the right woman is that as your love grows, so does your passion. Just like fine wine, it tastes better when it’s aged. Over time, you learn about each other’s favorite hotspots as months and years pass.
I am not at all saying that having sex is bad, because it’s not. It just depends on what you want from the experience. Be true to your lover, but most importantly be true to yourself.