Chelsea Fagan

You’ve lost weight!

When I hear 2 Chainz musing about how much he loves them strippers, I can’t help but agree with his tastes.

There is always something that you will look back on and cringe at, if only because the human body isn’t perfect, much less so when it’s under the unpredictable lights of someone else’s bedroom.

Whenever you are in a new place, the local Starbucks is always the touchstone of familiarity and comfort around which your trip can revolve.

Turn down your speakers or headphones, it gets loud.

“Do you just need to be alone for a little while?”

She asks you questions and you let her linger on the edge of your lips, waiting to catch the answer that will fall out. She calls, and you let it ring, watching it across your table as it buzz, buzz, buzzes.

We’ve all seen that couple where one partner is slowly but surely whittled out of their friend group because the other one is sporting that incredibly creepy “U Will Luv Me & Only Me 4Ever” look.

Some people are the kind of people who stand up their dates, and sometimes you are unlucky enough to accept a night out with them. And you’ll be the one sitting at the bar, playing on your phone, transforming slowly from “worried” to “humiliated.”

Reading old chats and messages and letters with people you used to love, and remembering what it is about them that was so wonderful.

I am not good at taking criticism. I mean, to be fair, I don’t know if anyone really is.

It takes so long for “No” to really mean something. We are ultimately creatures who want to please, and be accepted, and make one another comfortable.

Now your relationship is less like a delicate flower and more like some kind of Cold War-era bunker, ready to withstand literally anything that life will throw at it.

You go, girl, you did what we never could. And then put it on the internet.

I always wonder why adventure and career development and changing my mind can’t occur simultaneously with a fulfilling relationship. I always wonder why we look with a mixture of pity and bewilderment upon our former classmates who got married at 24.

Being able to tell the difference between when a friend is joking around about something, and when they are actually trying to talk about something really serious that they are afraid/embarrassed to let other people know about.

You’re going to become that person who promises to go out to lunch with your friend and then end up canceling 20 minutes before because your bed was just so comfortable and your love was just so perfect.

Follow me on this mystical journey through all things vodka cranberry, too-tight Forever 21 dresses, and miming our way over the N-word in our favorite rap song. For it is greater than your wildest dreams.