1. We get it, you are a big part of society.
2. You enjoy making web comics and articles and cheeky image macros about the actual, textbook definition of introversion. (You’re not all shy! You draw your energy from being alone, like a battery recharging!)
3. Often the discourse on “introversion” tiptoes around “we’re not like other people, we sip tea and read quietly in the corner and speak about relationships in elaborate metaphor.”
4. Don’t deny it, you guys absolutely do that shit.
5. It makes it sound like people who are “extroverted” are these soulless, scrap metal-chewing machines who will cease to exist unless we are doing body shots at a party and inviting people to come over so that we don’t have to hear the sound of our own thoughts.
6. It’s like we’re sharks — if we don’t stop moving, we’ll die.
7. But I digress.
8. Extroverts are not like that. Extroverts, like most normal human beings, are just looking to form human connections and draw energy from the world around them. We happen to do this through social communication, but a lot of us are more than capable of being alone for extended periods of time.
9. Yes, some of us even read John Green books by our windowsill whilst sipping English Breakfast tea and thinking about the things we’re going to reblog to our Tumblrs later that afternoon.
10. Introversion has become a “thing” on the internet, an identity that people go out of their way to take pride in and make condescending Power Point presentations about, because we all need to be told why it’s hard for you to make conversation at parties.
11. Plot twist: It’s hard for everyone to make small talk at parties. Small talk blows, and having to pretend to care about your friend’s friend’s brother’s new apartment is enough to drain anyone’s Social Activity Batteries.
12. There are difficult things about being an extrovert, like people assuming you’re constantly hitting on them, or that you can’t stand to be by yourself, or that you’re vapid.
13. But it’s not oppressive.
14. And neither is being an introvert, but often we use the struggles introverts face as a good excuse for them to be outright unkind to, or inconsiderate of, other people. (And don’t you deny that shit, either, you know you guys are constantly talking about why you shouldn’t have to be expected to call people back or show up to things.)
15. And frankly, if it’s an aspect of your personality that you hold onto that firmly, I highly recommend investing in actual personality traits, such as “sense of humor” or “good listener,” or even just “makes a pretty good frittata.”
16. We have all heard and read and seen so much about introversion over the past year or so that I think we’ve all become finally numb to it, and have expanded our definition of it so much that anyone who is not at this very moment performing a cabaret show is considered introverted.
17. In truth, most of us fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, and have days where we err to one side or the other. I’m as extroverted as you can get, but I have entire weeks where I just want to stay at home and watch Netflix and cry while thinking about the raindrops (they are the clouds’ babies!!!).
18. But this doesn’t fit so nicely into a comic about personality types.
19. The point is that we should all be happy being multi-faceted, and exploring the possibilities of our social lives. We should spend time taking care of ourselves, and taking care of the people we love (or the people we haven’t even met yet).
20. And even if you are a #RideOrDieIntrovert, calm down. We get it. You aren’t good at introducing yourself to new groups of people, and you really like being under blankets.
21. So did my dog, though, and if she could talk, she would say that you’re being pretentious assholes.