23 Ways To Turn A Woman On


1. Respect her decisions in work, even if you don’t always agree with them. Trust that she got to her position because she knew what she was doing, and appreciate that she might understand things better than you think.

2. Hold the door for her because you hold doors for people, as that is the nice thing to do, and not because you feel that she needs special treatment or help to get through her day.

3. Feel comfortable when she performs gestures that would typically be considered “gallant” or “gentlemanly,” because you realize that those are simply nice things which nice people do for one another.

4. Have serious discussions about divvying up of domestic responsibilities, because you don’t automatically assume that they should fall universally to her because she is a woman.

5. Feel confident in both professional and domestic spheres, because you understand that neither of them are comprised of inherently gendered activities.

6. Ask her opinions or advice on things which are important to you, and really listen to what she has to say about them. Don’t assume that the only good perspective on important issues can come from your friends.

7. Listen to her when she talks about her life, and don’t dismiss what she has to say as mindless gossip.

8. Try the movies or music she likes, instead of immediately putting them in a category as “chick stuff.”

9. Stop referring to things/people as “gay” or “a pussy,” or showing disdain based on what you perceive to be their inherent femininity. Erase the connection between the feminine and the weak or unworthy.

10. Stop performing “gallant” or “gentlemanly” activities strictly because you expect sex or affection in return.

11. Erase the idea that a woman can ever “owe” you sex for any reason, or that her sexuality is a commodity to be bartered with.

12. Show as much respect in daily life for a woman who is a virgin as a woman who has slept with 100 people. Even if you wouldn’t choose to engage with her romantically, you understand that her sexual past cannot change the fact that she is a human being deserving of as much respect and consideration as anyone else.

13. Respect her ability to choose how she presents herself to the outside world, from the language she uses to the clothes she wears to the color she dyes her hair.

14. Don’t assume that there are certain things she must be inherently knowledgeable about or inclined towards because she is a woman, such as children or cooking. Appreciate that her fields of interest may in no way overlap with your perception of “feminine.”

15. Stop holding her to different standards of appearance than you would a man. If a heavyset man is not deserving of mockery or disdian in your mind, neither should a heavyset woman.

16. Erase the idea that it is her responsibility to be attractive to you.

17. Remove the limits you have around certain aspects of your life — from friends to sports to entertainment — that you feel she should not have access to because of her gender. Understand the difference between enjoying an activity privately and saying she can’t be involved in something because she’s a woman and it is “for guys only.”

18. Respect her interest in things you might typically consider male-oriented, like sports or video games. Don’t insult her by assuming it’s a ploy to get your attention.

19. Understand the areas of legislation and cultural norms in which she is still palpably disadvantaged, and why working towards fixing them is an important goal.

20. Don’t make cutting or disrespectful jokes at the expense of another woman’s dignity because you imagine that the woman you’re with will not be offended, as she is “not like other women.”

21. Stop dividing women into categories based on their inherent respectability, and using names like “slut” or “attention whore” to demarcate them.

22. Stop allowing the actions of one woman to be a reflection of all women, just as you would not expect men to all be universal reflections of their gender.

23. Treat her as an equal, because she is one. TC mark

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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