1. Gone to Disneyland. I don’t know how I managed to go to Universal Studios but not Disneyland. People have questioned how enjoyable my childhood was, because apparently this is the happiest place on earth. Heights are my nemesis, which means rides are a foe, which means Disneyland isn’t in my foreseeable future.
2. Thrown up from drinking alcohol. Aside from my childhood, I’ve only puked two or three times in my entire life, so I’m not much of a barf-er. This vomit free streak is seemingly unbreakable, as I’ve had my fair share of heavy drinking nights, yet they never result in heaving. At worst, my hangovers are room-spinning, headache-y sessions that I sleep off.
3. Gotten a tattoo. I’ve strongly considered it, but I won’t cave and get one unless it’s something I’m certain I want on my body for life. Whenever there’s a tattoo concept that I like, I’ll consider if 60 year old me will be disappointed in current me, and end up holding off.
4. Had blood drawn. Knock on wood; I’ve never gone to the hospital overnight or been to the doctor for a situation serious enough to have blood removed. I’m not the biggest fan of needles so I’m not complaining — although I probably should’ve donated blood to Red Cross by now.
5. Fired an actual gun. I’ve shot airsoft guns, paintball guns, water guns, Nerf guns, staple guns – every type of gun that isn’t actual bullets. While I’m not the biggest weaponry fan, knowing how to operate a firearm in this day and age is probably useful.
6. Smoked weed. A lot of my favorite musicians, artists and extremely creative individuals seem to be rather fond of marijuana, which has made me consider it. On the other hand, I know some potheads who’ve grown lackadaisical and unproductive. I don’t believe that weed automatically turns an individual into a lazy smoker, but I’m still too skeptical of drugs to light one up. I guess those D.A.R.E. commercials really got to me.
7. Sang karaoke. Every time I’m intoxicated there’s no karaoke around, and everything there’s karaoke around I’m not intoxicated. I mean I could do sober karaoke but then I’ll have no justification for my off-key, dreadful voice.
8. Stolen. It’s not the fact that I’d be terrified of getting caught and going to jail, so much as because I hate thieves. There are people working hard daily for all of their belongings, so it takes a true scumbag to steal stuff that someone busted their ass to acquire legitimately.
9. Seen Harry Potter, Lord Of The Rings, Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, and many other popular films. I’m not even going to defend myself for this. Inexcusable. I deserve any verbal abuse taken for this confession.
10. Eaten Chipotle. I love grilled Mexican food, so I’m not quite certain how I’ve never come face to face with a plate of Chipotle’s grub. This shouldn’t be difficult to accomplish, since it’s as simple as driving down the street for lunch – but I’m somewhat nervous about the Taco Bell-esque effects it would have on my stomach.
11. Gone camping. I’ve had S’mores, slept in a sleeping bag and sat around a fire – yet I’ve never done those things in the wilderness. I love the outdoors and I live in Arizona, two very good reasons to live out the camping experience. The main issue is that I need to find willing companions, who I trust in the event that some Blair Witch Project type of shenanigans take place.
12. Cheated in a relationship. The line “what’s done in the dark, will always come to light” is one that I live by. Just be loyal! There’s literally no good that comes of cheating, if you feel the urge to strongly to hookup with someone else, then you may as well just be single.
13. Got food poisoning. Double knock on wood. I hear that it feels like death and comes out of both ends of the body. Being that Chinese buffets and rinky-dink taco shops are some of my favorite places to eat makes this accomplishment that much more significant.
14. Taken a bubble bath. Something about baths grosses me out. It just feels as if I’m soaking in the filth that I want to clean off of me. For that reason, I only take showers which is why I’ve never experienced the suds, bubbles and candles relaxation session in the tub.
15. Gotten a ticket. Knocking very hard on wood on last time. I’d really like to maintain this for life if possible. The fact that I get angrily passed by soccer moms in minivans on a regular basis is a sign of how slow I drive.