You cannot really judge what kind of relationship a married couple has based on what you see. Most people agree that when a couple fights a lot and gets to the point of hurting each other physically and emotionally, it would be better for them to file a divorce and move on.
However, there are cases when the indication of an unhealthy marriage doesn’t come in loud and heartbreaking arguments, but in deafening silence; when couples no longer have the energy to fight back to their partners or even try to fight for their marriage.
Let’s just call it a “slow death,” where resentment is chosen to be buried instead of being resolved, and there’s nothing left but strangers who slowly fell out of love without even realizing it. Here are seven signs that can tell your relationship might also be heading to divorce.
You have given up arguing
Raised voices and harsh exchange of words aren’t the only indications a couple is drifting apart. In most cases, it is the constant silence, leaving conflicts unresolved, that kills beautiful relationships. If you don’t fight anymore, or even care to listen to the other perspective, it’s a sign your marriage have hit the rock bottom.
So why do people choose to just keep quiet? Maybe they are exhausted of arguing over the same reasons or they think they have heard enough of their partner’s lame arguments. The dangerous thing is, couples create more distance and lies if they don’t address the issues and communicate. These conflicts will just pile up, creating a more destructive monster out of their anger and resentment.
Intimacy is lost
Making love is like soda – take the spark out and it will transform into a nasty can of sugar-filled water. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you may notice that your sex routines are out of sync. It’s either you have no time for it or you have lost interest in it. If you do initiate, you find no connection with your partner, unlike before when love was young and new.
Hands will be just hands. Lips will be just lips. Bodies will be just bodies And the sole purpose of the bed might be just for sleeping. It will start from having that same, boring routine every day which will eventually transcend to becoming a loveless couple whose gaps have grown wider.
Your actions in front of others are staged
Every social gathering is also a stage play that requires you to wear your mask and pretend that you guys are okay in front of your parents, relatives, and friends. What’s even worse is the act continues at home, when your kids are watching.
You are no longer partners. You are just parents to your children, bearing each other’s company under one roof and putting a happy face mask just for the sake of the youngsters.
You lack interest in your partner
No marriage is perfect. All couples have bad times. But if they are happily married, no matter how strong the arguments are, their love for their partners outweigh their anger. They can still recognize the attractive characteristics of their spouses, rather than their flaws.
One of the signs of a relationship’s slow death is you don’t find your spouse attractive anymore. We’re not just talking about the physical aspects but rather his or her whole personality.
You see more defects. With this, you tend to disrespect your partner by calling him or her names, uttering sarcastic remarks and making your spouse feel inferior. You tend to compare your partner with other men or women you find more attractive and don’t care about the things that would please your partner.
You’re more interested in other couple’s love story
Weddings make you cry. You have that unusual combination of comfort and anxiety when you hear love stories of other couples who seem to be happy in each other’s arms. It’s clear to you that your own marriage wasn’t a fulfilling one and you always have these “what if” and “what could have been” questions keep playing in your head.
You no longer see your future with your spouse
Do you feel excitement rather than fear or apprehension when you imagine yourself opening a new chapter of your life by being single or living with another man or woman? If you often envision a clear picture of your happy picture without your partner in it, then something isn’t right
Experts call it the “emotional detachment process.” You are no longer attached to your partner and your relationship with him or her. You manage not to care anymore so the potential separation would feel less painful. In other words, it’s a clear sign of falling out of love.
You keep secrets to each other
You once vowed to be one; to not just be individuals but partners for life. But after a few years, you find yourself hiding a lot of secrets from your partner. You don’t feel safe to express yourself because you’re afraid of starting another riot. You’d rather share your problems with your friends who are miles away from you than your own partner who is sleeping right next to you. Doing these habitually might make you end up in the biggest lie you may commit – your marriage.