Aries (March 21st – April 19th)
It’s late, you’re drunk and you’re doing what you do best: taking shots, dancing with friends and getting into fights with your ex, who just so happened to show up to the same party. At least you can’t say it was a boring night.
Taurus (April 20th – May 20th)
Is there anyone in the entire room you haven’t flirted with yet, Taurus? You’re the person who walks in, catches someone’s eye and spends the rest of the night hoping to get lucky.
Gemini (May 21st – June 20th)
You’re the life of the party tonight, Gemini. You’re dancing on tables like no one in the room can see you — or perhaps like everyone in the room can see you. You’ve got a great outfit and you’re ready for some attention.
Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd)
Oh god, we’re going to need some backup for you, Cancer. You drank too much and now you’re sitting on the couch crying about something or other. You feel so much, so maybe it’s time to set down the Jack now.
Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)
No one’s staying sober tonight! At least, not on your watch, Leo. You’re passing out shots and ushering people to the keg while you chat up just about anyone who walks through the door. It’s going to be a legendary night if you have a say in anything.
Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)
OK, so maybe one person is staying sober. It’s not that you don’t want to drink, but all your friends are getting trashed and you don’t trust any of them to get home safely. Instead you’ll opt for a nice craft beer and some of the less intoxicating activities, like playing pool in the basement.
Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd)
Even though you’re plastered and having a great time, you can’t resist playing host — even if it’s not your house. You’re collecting empty bottles to throw away, directing people to the bathroom and babysitting people who can’t quite hold their liquor the way you can.
Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st)
You’re taking shots by yourself in the kitchen and probably avoiding Leo and Gemini, who are being a little too much for you tonight. Come tomorrow, someone will find you passed out in the bathroom and wonder when exactly you showed up to the party in the first place.
Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st )
If we need you, we can find you at the beer pong table, somehow beating anyone who dares to challenge you. Let’s just say that if we’re playing drinking games, I want you on my team.
Capricorn: (December 22nd – January 19th)
You’ll walk through the door, only to turn around and walk back out. You’re all for having a little fun, but these really aren’t your type of people. Time to go round up your closest friends and head to the nearest bar for a round of beer.
Aquarius: (January 20th – February 18th)
You’re the drunken philosopher of the party, Aquarius. You’re not interested in small talk — you’ve got just enough alcohol in you to discuss your latest theory or talk about the universe.
Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)
What are you even on, Pisces? You snuck off to the bathroom to do some sort of drugs when everyone turned their heads away from you, and now it seems like your mind is somewhere else completely. Let us know when you make it back to Earth, OK?