There’s just so much to learn and sometimes your schooling is just not enough. At times you are forced to turn to Google and ask the hard hitting questions that every twenty something female needs the answer to.
Thank you Google for the wonderful answers you’ve given me in my time of need. You’ve taught me so much.
1. Should I go to the doctor if…?
There’s something going on, a weird cough or strange numbness, but I’m in an entry level job and money isn’t exactly flying into my bank account, so if I’m spending money on a doctor it better be because I really need to.
A Google screening always comes first.
2. What are the first signs of pregnancy?
I know, Sex Ed and my mom taught me this, but there’s nothing scarier than thinking an unplanned pregnancy has just occurred.
I need to know if there is some new early sign of pregnancy that will clear this up for me or if the tingling in my left toe is a sure sign.
3. Is it possible to get pregnant if…?
Again, I should know this, but just in case.
4. Are so and so together?
Celebrity relationships are at the top of my priorities.
Are Scott and Kourtney still together? Are the Beyoncé and Jay-Z rumors true? These are things I need to know Google.
5. How do I get a bigger butt fast?
I don’t want to do squats, don’t tell me squats.
I need a Kardashian ass by this weekend; help me out here.
6. How can I make extra money online without doing surveys?
I need extra money, but I don’t really want another job, and I don’t want to fill out 55 million surveys for a measly ten dollars.
Can’t I just get paid to research celebrity couples and Pinterest please?
7. Is there a way to get bigger boobs without a boob job?
Besides the having no money for the procedure; I don’t have time for recovery and pain.
I just need boobs.
8. Is it too hot/cold to wear…?
This outfit is super cute, but will I look like an idiot in a pea coat when it’s 72 degrees or a dress when it’s 68?
I just need the temperature to either be cold or hot; these middle ones confuse me and my closet.
9. What song says…?
I only know a few lyrics and even those might not be right, but Google can figure it out for me.
10. How do I travel on a budget?
I need to go Bali, Thailand and the rest of the world, but I only have $100; how do I make this work?
Give me a miracle Google.
11. How do I make a budget?
Is it okay to put more in the spending column than it is for the savings? Should I save for more than one thing?
This is too difficult; I should just spend.
12. Do I need a 401k?
I’m still young and have plenty of time before retirement, but should I at least open one? Maybe I should put like $5 a month in one just to be safe.
13. Should I really listen to my horoscope?
It’s spot on, and I don’t think they’re a load of crap, but I need to be sure before I actually drop out of school to follow my dreams of joining the circus.
14. What do Victoria’s Secret Angels eat?
It is magical gummy bears? I need some pronto.
Please don’t tell me that it’s healthy food because I need fast food in my life.
15. Can someone see if I look at their social media page?
Even though I know they can’t because I can’t see who looks at mine. I just need to double check because you can on LinkedIn and getting caught stalking my ex is not something I need.