Sex is a learned skill. So, the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it, right? Wrong.
As the famous Vince Lombardi quote goes, “Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect.”
This universal truth is so important when it comes to sex, because it’s a topic that can sometimes be a sensitive subject between you and your partner. Your partner might be hesitant to ask for what they need in the bedroom because they’re worried about hurting your feelings.
As a result, you’re just further ingraining bad habits instead of correcting them. But luckily for you, I’m not invested in your feelings.
Here’s what you might need to hear about your performance in the bedroom, but aren’t.
- Do your part. Nothing’s worse than a partner who just lays there, seemingly disinterested. Show enthusiasm, be vocal, and move with the action. Otherwise, you’re just a slightly warmer blow-up doll.
- Take control every now and then. The guy is generally expected to be the aggressor/dominant one in a sexual encounter. Turning this around on him is an exciting way to keep him on his toes and even help him out if he’s tired.
- We don’t care if you’re not perfectly groomed. So, your legs are a little scruffy, you haven’t cleaned up down there, and you don’t smell like you just came out of a Bath & Body Works. Trust us, we’ll get over it. As long as you practice good, basic hygiene, it’s not imperative that you be pristine at all times. We’re realistic.
- Remember that communication is key. Don’t let us waste 5 minutes doing something that’s not working for anybody. Sex isn’t the time to be shy and polite. Tell us what’s working or what you need, and everyone will be happier.
- … And so is listening. Don’t take it personally if we’re not feeling what you’re doing and ask to try something else. That thing your ex really loved may do nothing for us. Everybody’s different.
- Don’t freak out if we don’t get off. There are so many factors that can cause this to happen, but it’s almost never because you’re not attractive enough or good enough in bed. There’s a cultural stereotype that all dudes love sex 100 percent of the time with anyone, always. Maybe we’re not in the mood, are stressed, lacking an emotional connection, or so many other things. Don’t beat yourself up.
- We need foreplay, too. So much of the fun of sex is in the mind. A lot of it is about the buildup and anticipation. Just as you need foreplay to fully enjoy the experience, so do we.
- Don’t forget the romance. This is another symptom of the belief that guys are just cavemen looking to score. Romance, seduction, and the emotional aspects of sex work on us, too.
- It’s totally possible for us to not be in the mood. With all that being said, sometimes there’s nothing you can do.
- We need to know your kinks. Especially if they’re something physically aggressive. We’re not just going to jump out on a limb and guess whether you liked to be choked or if that’s going to get us sent to jail. If you want to get what you want, you have to ask for it.
- Talk dirty. The sexiest move in the bedroom is enthusiasm, period.
- Don’t always wait for us to initiate. Sex may not be on our mind until you put it there. If you’re in the mood, but he’s not acting, go for it.
- Don’t do anything halfway, especially oral. If you could describe any act you’re partaking in as “dutiful” or “half-hearted,” then he’s not enjoying it.
- Don’t worry, we love how you taste down there. Many women can be self-conscious about this, but I’ve never heard any man bringing it up as an issue.
- We’re not trusting that you’re on birth control until we REALLY know you. Don’t take it personally. It’s a huge risk to take. We bear the brunt of the sacrifice in having to wear a condom anyway.
- Condoms are going to make it take awhile. They’re desensitizing. If he’s taking too long, be prepared to finish things by other means. More foreplay can also help.
- Sex is a lot of cardio. We could use a breather every now and then. It really helps when you go on top or otherwise take control for a spell.
- We don’t care if you’re sweaty afterwards. Considering what we just did, don’t worry about it.
- We’re super-sensitive after we finish. Particularly of concern after oral. Be gentle!
- Remember to pee after sex. Somehow, some women still don’t know this. UTIs are real, ladies!