20 Things I Still Don’t Know In My 20s

@alexandrahraskova
@alexandrahraskova

1. I don’t know what I want to do with my life in the long run professionally. Do I want to write novels? Keep writing articles? Create a brand? Or continue being all over the place and just doing what feels right in the moment? I don’t know if we ever will know for sure what we’re meant to do. I always hear adults say “I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Maybe we just have interests for a limited time before something new sparks us. Changing your mind is okay, it’s encouraged actually because when you grow your interests change and there’s nothing wrong with that so I’m just going to keep doing what I love for this part of my life and see where that leads.

2. I don’t know how to properly care for my skin. I try, but barely. I never wash my face before bed, or take off my makeup, which I know is bad. Basically the only time I wash my face is in the shower because it’s just a pain in the ass every other time. I don’t even know what face wash reacts what way with my skin because I never truly pay attention. I just hope for the best.

3. I don’t know how to find the perfect balance between ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ Most of the time I say yes because I feel peer pressured and I cave, even when it’s something I don’t want to do. I usually say yes to everything and I think I need to start saying no more and find that balance between doing the things I want or just doing things because my friends want to. I’m an all or nothing person, but I think there has to be some kind of common ground.

4. I don’t know where I want to live. I have no idea where I want to go or even how to settle down to be honest. Making friends after college is HARD, like it’s challenging to move to a new place alone and make friends. I tried it for a while, and I’m happy to be back with people I know and love. I’m constantly battling back in my head between finding somewhere new on my own or moving somewhere with a friend and lean on them as a crutch? I don’t know.

5. I don’t know how to budget money.
Like, at all. I’m really bad with money, I don’t understand budgeting and I always waste my money on food and booze, or plane tickets. I try to tell myself not to spend my money and in X months I could buy a plane ticket to certain places, but it never works because someone will call me and I’ll be peer pressured to go out.

6. I don’t know how to do my taxes. I don’t know why there wasn’t a life class in high school or college where they teach you valuable shit, I mean if we HAVE to take general classes then the least they could do is make them beneficial. Like how to manage money and do your taxes and take out a loan and real life things that you actually need to learn.

7. I don’t know how to open my heart to the idea of love. This is more so probably a personal problem because there are plenty of 20 somethings in love, but I don’t know how to be open to the idea of relationships. I’m so guarded and closed off to them that the idea doesn’t even strike me as a possibility. I’ve become so independent and reliant on myself that having another person in my life to rely on would throw everything off in my mind.

8. I don’t know how to fully love myself. But I don’t know if there’s a final destination with self-love or if it’s something we always have to keep working towards and working on because loving yourself can be hard.

9. I don’t know how to let go of friendships that I’ve lost. I have a really hard time of letting go of people I care about. It just really sucks when you planned to be friends with someone ‘forever’ then as soon as you move on you no longer become important in their life. It hurts and it sucks, and I’m still trying to figure out how to let go of that.

10. I don’t know how to start going after I want. Mostly because I don’t know exactly what I want, but I also don’t know how to turn a dream into a reality.

11. I don’t know why people stay in unhappy relationships in their 20s. I’ve never understood it, but especially in your 20s. You’re still young and there is still time for you to find someone who respects you, but people settle. I see it all the time and it breaks my heart to see people in dysfunctional, toxic relationships and decide to stay.

12. I don’t know how to accept things aren’t forever. That my parents are getting older, that my dog isn’t going to live forever, that people change including myself, that I can’t just run off to my college town every time I need a break. I can’t do these things forever and I don’t know how to accept that because as I’m growing older so is everyone else around me and I can’t take it.

13. I don’t know how to take my own advice. I can give out advice and truly believe in what I’m telling people, but I guess I don’t believe it enough to take the advice myself. It’s always easier said than done.

14. I don’t know if I want to buy a house. People ask me and I cringe at the thought of being a home owner, but I don’t know if that will be forever. I also don’t know how to even go about that. Part of me just wants to live in a tiny house, part of me wants to live in the country with a farm, and the other part of me just wants to be a gypsy and travel around for the rest of my life.

15. I don’t know how to let go of what people think of me. I try not to let it bother me, but to some extent it does and to some extent I think it always will. We all crave acceptance on some level because that’s just how we are. I have become better at knowing who I am, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point where it won’t truly matter what anyone thinks and the hate comments will no longer bother me.

16. I don’t know how to forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made. Sometimes I still beat myself up for things I did in the past when I was young and stupid. I’m usually pretty good at letting go but sometimes it’s still really hard, sometimes I don’t even know who I was at that time in my life. But I guess that’s how you learn and how you grow.

17. I don’t know how to be okay with not accomplishing everything in my 20s. For some reason I’ve convinced myself that after 30 my life is over. That I’m old and my time to become “great” and “successful” is over, that I probably missed every shot I’m going to take. I know that’s not true, but I still am terrified of getting older.

18. I don’t know how to accept change. I like the be the only thing that changes and I know that’s not possible, but I want to leave and know that when I come back that everything will be exactly as I remember it. I wish sometimes I could go back to my college town and automatically have my house back, I wish I could walk into the bars and all my friends would still be there, but things change and when I go back everything is somehow exactly the same, but completely different and I hate it. I’m not good with accepting change because as much as I want to grow, I don’t want anything else to, which I know is completely selfish.

19. I don’t know why people are mean or why they try to drag other people down.
I don’t know if I will ever know that though. I like to blame it on people’s lack of fulfillment in their own lives or their insecurities coming out, or maybe it’s an imbalance in the brain. I just wish that the world was more compassionate, that people would spread love and gave compliments instead of spreading hate and negativity.

20. I don’t know how to accept that I can’t do everything. I want to do everything, or at least most things, but I know it’s not possible. I can’t travel the entire world, I can’t see everything, I can’t afford to do everything I want to do and I need to be okay with that. TC mark

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You reread every text.
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he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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