I know you’re going to say he loves you, but I know that’s also going to be followed by doubts, even if you’re afraid to admit it to yourself.
Because he does loves you, but only when it’s convenient for him, only when it doesn’t interfere with what he wants to do.
He makes you so happy when it’s just the two of you and things are going well – he makes the world stop. He makes you feel things you didn’t know were humanly possible and it makes you crave him even more. When it’s just the two of you nothing feels like it can go wrong, you feel safe and desired.
That’s all everyone wants anyway, right? Someone to love them; someone to make them feel safe and desired?
But then he leaves, he gets angry over nothing and he blows up.
He goes out with his friends and he doesn’t text you back. He doesn’t come home and he makes you feel shitty. He decides maybe it’s not the best to be together or maybe you just are too uptight. Maybe you just shouldn’t worry so much and stop being so controlling. Maybe you should just let him be and do his thing. Maybe you should just stop getting in the way of his life.
He turns everything into your fault, every time he does something wrong. He makes you feel shitty and you end up apologizing. He makes you feel hurt and he doesn’t care because you “interfered” with his fun, you caused him some inconvenience and he didn’t like it.
He holds you to double standards. He wants you to change everything while he changes nothing. He just expects you to do things for him while he does nothing for you.
He wants you to give things up for him, but he isn’t willing to do the same for you.
That’s not okay.
It leaves you feeling empty and hopeless because you don’t understand how someone who claims he loves you could make you feel this empty.
So you try to do better and you try to do more.
You try to go the extra mile to make him happy and make him appreciate you, and he does. He does for a little bit, he does for long enough for you to feel loved and appreciate again before he does something hurtful again.
It’s a vicious never ending cycle of constantly and continuously giving pieces of you to him, but pretty soon he’s going to have all of you and he’ll still want more. You’ll find yourself not having anything left to give and it will destroy you.
Some people are selfish and you can’t see past it because you love him, you’ve seen the good sides to him and you want to believe the good outweighs the bad, but does it really? Do the good times make the bad times worth it? Or does it leave you wondering how long it will stay good before it goes bad again?
You deserve more than that. You don’t deserve his mediocre, half-assed love. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel guilty for his actions and someone who doesn’t constantly take from you without also sacrificing pieces of himself.
You deserve more than that.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship that leaves you feeling like you’re not good enough. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you’re walking on egg shells hoping not to upset your boyfriend over something simple.
You should be with someone who makes you feel fulfilled and whole. Someone who brings out the best in you and inspires you to be better. You should be with someone who doesn’t take their angers and frustrations out on you. Love yourself enough to see that and please don’t settle for a half-hearted love sweet girl, you deserve so much more than that. 
