When you’re lying awake in bed until 4 AM and you can’t stop the tears from flowing down your face. When you can’t eat because you’re so sick to your stomach. When you just don’t understand what you could have done different or better in order to make him stay.
When all those thoughts are streaming through your head on repeat there’s something I want you to know; I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. That you loved with your whole heart, you gave him every piece of you and even tried to dig deeper for more. I know it wasn’t hard for you to find more though because loving him was easy for you and it was fun.
You loved him so much and he claimed he loved you too, but he still left.
True love doesn’t just look you in the eyes and walk away, especially when they don’t give you a justifiable answer.
That’s what hurts the worst; not even knowing why he’s walking away. All you know is there is nothing that you can do to change his mind because he’s so damn stubborn. He made the decision for the both of you on his own and it’s not fair. It’s tearing you more and more apart because now you can see it’s really over and he’s not coming back.
But here’s the thing, he knows you didn’t do anything wrong, he knows you loved him with your whole heart and he knows how good of a girl you are, but he still let you go.
There is nothing wrong with you, there is only something wrong with him. Something he might not even know, but subconsciously he knows he’s holding you back, he knows you deserve a better life and you deserve more. He knows something he isn’t telling you, that’s why he’s letting you go.
He knows he hurt you, but he just doesn’t know how to make the hurt go away. He thinks he’s doing what’s best for the both of you, but you might not see that until the future after you’ve reestablished yourself. Or maybe you’ll never see it and continue to love him always, even through the pain.
All you can do is stay strong and stay true to yourself, let the moments of weakness in and allow them to break you down into a puddle of your own tears. Those moments of weakness and vulnerability will only make you stronger.
You can’t see it now and I’m sure you’re sick of hearing that things will get better, because right now it doesn’t feel like it, but they will. That doesn’t mean you still won’t miss him or that you’ll never think of him because you will. You’ll always remember him, but maybe you’ll forget what his kiss felt like or what his deodorant smelled like. Maybe you will forget the little things, but you probably won’t ever forget him completely and that’s okay.
You can keep his memory in your heart and look for it for comfort on days you feel scared in the world all by yourself, but if I know one thing it’s that things will get better in time.
Unfortunately you have to suffer through the bad days in order to reach the good ones, but you will heal at your own pace and you will smile again. You will fall in love again and you will remember what it feels like to live without him. You will move forward and everything won’t feel so dark and lonely.
When he leaves you and there’s no changing his mind and no getting him back you just have to move forward because that’s all you can do.
Move forward and know that there are better days ahead because there are, there certainly are.