I lay awake in bed at night with thoughts of you crowding my head. I’ve nearly given up on trying to push them away because it feels like there is no point anymore.
The more I try to forget the more you’re there.
I let the thoughts swallow me as I think about all that we could have been.
I hate to admit it, but I hate how deeply I miss what we almost had.
You were different. You were someone I didn’t get bored of, you were someone I wanted more of. You were someone I could actually see myself sticking with, but you obviously didn’t feel the same about me. I thought there was potential that you could be the one, but potential doesn’t mean anything if you don’t do anything with it.
I tried to hold on, but you pulled away and it felt like the tighter I grabbed the faster you ran.
I really think we were meant to be, but we did it wrong. Maybe in another life or if our paths cross again in the future, then maybe our hearts will align. Or maybe I’ll realize what a fool I’d been all this time. I know it might sound crazy, but there really was something different about you that made it so hard to let you go.
I thought you were different and that makes me a fool. I swore you were different; I convinced myself things were different and that you weren’t who everyone warned me about. But as usual, they were right. You weren’t different, but you made me feel different. You made me feel things I never thought I could, maybe that’s why it’s making goodbye so hard.
It’s stopping me from letting go and forcing me to cling to everything I never thought I could.
We were never in love, but do I believe we had the potential to fall hard.
Maybe that scared you so you ran, you weren’t ready to feel something real. Or maybe you just couldn’t picture your forever with a girl like me. You left and now I’m stuck with all the memories of the good times we shared, unable to reach out and call you, unable to touch your hand and unable to make anymore memories. So I cling to what I’ve got, I cling to the memories of ‘us’ and come to terms with the fact that I’ll now only have memories of what we could have been.
If you taught me anything from leaving it’s that I need to stop believing in the idea of what could have been. I need to let go and move on, without you, just like you did without me.
I need to stop clinging to the potential because even if I did find the right person, it wasn’t the right time for you.
I could wish you the worst, hope you’re haunted by what we could have been and wished you’d realized what you left behind, but you already know that. You knew what we could have been and the way I could have loved you, but you decided you wanted something different and that is okay, too.
I was so excited about the potential of us, but there is no ‘us’ and there is no more potential. So, I’m deciding to let you go and stop believing in what could have been.