As a kid, the adults in our lives made being a real grown-up look really fun. But you know what? It’s not as glamorous as it looks. Coffee gets old, and bras are boob jail.
Here are a non-exhaustive list of reasons why being a grown-up is completely overrated:
You can eat whatever you want…but you don’t
As a kiddo, all I wanted was to grab as many Reese’s Cups as my chubby hands could carry. But like most parents, my mom and dad fed me real meals instead of candy confections. Fast forward to 2014, and, sure, there are days when my dinner is a big bowl of ice cream. But, that’s the exception to the rule, not the sugar-guzzling norm my pre-teen self predicted.
Driving isn’t actually that great
Cars are expensive. Monthly payments, insurance, and gas add up quick. Plus, I’d much rather spend time wasted in traffic watching House of Cards.
Neither is having a credit card
In just about every Disney Channel Original Movie from the ’90s, the main character would magically have a credit card accidentally be mailed to him. From which, said character would spend gobs of money on the sickest jelly shoes and Lisa Frank binders money can by. But now, if we go on a crazy shopping spree, there’s a monthly bill that rolls in, and we’re expected to pay for it.
You could stay up all night, but all you want to do is sleep
Past college finals, are there really too many times when we should be pulling a week’s worth of all nighters?
Work clothes suck
Unless you work for a super laid-back employer, jeans are only permitted in the office come Friday. Sure, when you were five and sporting a neon green blazer to kindergarten, work wear seemed like no big deal. But, now that you actually have to put together real outfits on a daily basis, the days of t-shirts and shorts seem magical. Plus, heels hurt!
There’s no one to tell you not to buy all the puppies
Every time I walk into a pet store, I’m constantly fighting the urge to adopt a new furry friend. Their sweet little faces are looking up at me, and I’ve got no one but myself to blame for not taking them all home.
Carrying a purse
My first purse was this red velvet number with a clown’s head on its center complete with yarn hair. It contained spare Barbie shoes, a Hello Kitty hairbrush, and Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers. Nowadays, my bag looks more like a bulging suitcase then a trendy accessory. And yes, the saying’s true…once you go big, there’s no going back.
The worst tasks fall on you alone
Rodents and bugs exist, and suddenly you’re the only one to catch the scurrying critters.
Remember the good old days when your idea of drinking coffee was sitting in a Starbucks for hours on end sipping from your Double Chocolate Frappuccino and gossiping with your 13-year-old friends about that cute new foreign exchange student? Now, it’s more along the lines of how quick can I get this caffeine coursing through my veins? Take it from a girl who constantly smells like a cup of joe; we’re in an endless losing cycle thanks to our coffee addiction. And, if we try to give it up? Terrible headaches ensue.
Rom-coms have ruined my idea of relationships. I keep waiting for my future soul mate to magically reach for my cup of coffee because we’ve both ordered a Venti Vanilla Latte. We’ll brush hands, feel “the spark,” and spend the rest of our days living happily ever after. In reality, today’s dating game is less about lasting and more about who you’re going home with come last call.