Read This If It’s Been Years And You’re Still Not Over Them


You were told your heart would heal in time. Well-intentioned hands would help dry away your tears and rub your back. Someone would offer up words of encouragement, “It doesn’t always hurt like this.”

And maybe it doesn’t. Because even though you’re sure it did, your heart didn’t break. It continues pumping. It’s found a way to stitch itself back up enough that you no longer bleed all over the place. It figured out how to beat again normally, and you’ve carried on like a survivor does. You keep going. You keep pushing.

But scars aren’t always visible to the naked eye. Sometimes, they even completely fade away. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. That doesn’t mean you can’t still trace them when no one else is looking.

As a society, we put such an emphasis on moving on from our ended relationships. Every other website is shouting at you. How To Move On From Your Break Up. How To Finally Get Over Them. X Steps To Leave Your Ex In The Rear View Mirror.

And we talk about this stuff for plenty of good reasons:

  • Romanticizing the past can detract from current happiness.
  • Letting go of hurt can improve your mental well being.
  • And, maybe most importantly, continuously snooping on social media to see if your ex is still with that goddamn beautiful swimsuit model is going to drive. you. nuts.

You know all this. You’ve had enough people telling you it will get better. You won’t always miss them. You won’t always think of them when you hear that one song, or see a person wearing a sweater like they had. Or have.

One day, it’ll be like they were never even a part of you.

But in your most honest hours, you let yourself believe an unpopular truth. Maybe you don’t get over everyone.

When we lose people to death, we’re comfortable discussing the permanent hole that loss has left. You can continue living. Your heart still does its thing, and you can achieve a wildly passionate and satisfying life. But that doesn’t mean you ever get over that pain. You don’t set a timer and once it dings, you just stop missing your late loved ones.

Why can’t it be the same when we say goodbye to those who are still living?

When someone carves such an impression into your heart that, even after years have passed, you can still feel where they touched you, maybe that’s not someone you have to let go. Maybe that’s a memory you’re allowed to hold precious. Maybe they will remain a part of you forever. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s a beautiful thing. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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