When To Stick It Out And When To Call It Quits On Your Relationship

joyce huis

Should you stick it out and try to make things work? Or have you given enough, and need to leave in order to give yourself the respect you deserve? Relationships are a beautiful thing, but as human beings, we’re horrible at dealing with the emotions that come with.

And not just the good emotions — the nervousness, the joy, the excitement, the urge to become one — but also the bad emotions. Those emotions that make us question, make us doubt, make us uncomfortable, make us lose track of what we want and, in some cases, whom we are.

Calling it quits is easier when it was never love. Yet, even then many of us find it difficult to let go. It’s never more difficult, however, than when the person you’re considering giving up on is someone you did love. Maybe still do love…

When the love you had becomes questionable, that’s when we find it most difficult to steer our way out the storm. You can’t run from something that’s within you. Remember that. You can’t run, because the more you try, the worse it will run you down. That’s always the case. Always. Keep running and you will either explode or implode.

You need to take control of your life and make the decisions that need to be made. The only question that remains is: What decision should you make? That’s an excellent question. Hopefully this post will help you make better a decision, and help you help yourself.

Stick Around When He/She Needs Space; Call It Quits When He/She Doesn’t Care.

I understand how love can make us feel like we want to shed the skin that separates us from the one we love, but the truth is that no matter how well you mesh together, no matter how much you become one, you will never stop being you. You’re going to be with you for the rest of your life. What that means is that you’re going to need your space — just as he or she does.

Don’t look at it as them wanting to get away from you. It’s not that. They’re just trying to get better acquainted with themselves. They need to give themselves a certain amount of attention — it’s normal. Unfortunately, not everyone is very good at communicating this. That’s why we have to be understanding. However, if you believe that it isn’t just the he or she needs space, but simply no longer cares, then it isn’t you that needs to be understanding. Don’t give up on something that can still be good, but don’t sell yourself short either.

Leave When He’s/She’s Disrespectful.

Respect is the foundation of every good relationship, romantic or other. But before we can build anything, we first must have a mutual understanding — an understanding that we are all equals and all deserve to be treated in a way that doesn’t violate this balance.

You have the right not to be used as a means to an end, the right not be physically or verbally abused, the right not to be belittled. You and the person you’re seeing, both deserve to be treated with love, compassion, and understanding. You’re both equals. If it’s clear that he or she doesn’t see you as such, then you need to get out of there as soon as possible.

Stick Around When The Good Times Outweigh The Bad.

This one is just simple arithmetic. The idea is that you want to be happy. But we know that it isn’t possible to always be happy — it’s literally impossible. We can only experience the highest of highs because we can, and do, experience the lowest of lows. You can’t have one without the other. Sorry.

What this means is that the goal isn’t to always be happy. You’re going to have unpleasant experiences with your partner. Even if they’re the love of your life, not all times are going to be the best of times. So don’t be stupid and call it quits when you’re just hitting a little rough patch. However, if the bad times outnumber the good times, then you really need to reassess the situation. If it used to be great, but isn’t great anymore, you two may be able to make it great again. But it’s something that the both of you will need to work on.

Stick Around If He/She Wants To Make It Work; Call It Quits When He/She Doesn’t.

Are you BOTH willing to work on your relationship? I’m sure you’ve heard the adage, “It takes two to tango.” But do you know why that is? Why tango? Why not the waltz, foxtrot, or cha-cha? The tango tells a story of two lovers and the passion between them — passion that isn’t always calm, but often aggressive. There’s a constant push and pull.

One second you’re together, the next you’re trying to push as far away from each other as you can, but without letting go. Because you can’t let go. Because you love each other. It takes two to tango because only true love will be as fluctuating, as intense, and as powerful as a tango. Can you and the one you’re with handle all of that, all while keeping hold of each other? Sure… but only if you’re both holding on as hard as you can. If either one of you begins to let go, the dance falls apart.

Stick Around When You Love Him/her For The Person He/She Is; Call It Quits If You Only Love The Person He/She Might One Day Be.

Do you know why people are amazing? Because there’s just so much potential. Each of us has the potential of becoming an incredible individual — every last one of us. We can all be great human beings, great partners, great lovers, great friends, great whatever we wish to be. However, two things to keep in mind. The first: not everyone will manage to tap into that potential. Some of us won’t do it. Not because life doesn’t allow us to do it, but because we choose not to. If you’re not great, it’s only your own fault.

The second: the person you want him or her to become, may not be the person he or she wants him or herself to become. Your picture of a perfect them may not coincide with there’s. For these two reasons, there’s an incredibly high likelihood that you’re waiting and wasting your time, for nothing. There are a lot of amazing projects that you can take on in your lifetime, but your partner shouldn’t be one of them. They’re their own project, just like you’re your own. If you’re going to work on anyone, it should be you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Paul Hudson

Writer, thinker, entrepreneur, and life enthusiast.

More From Thought Catalog