The 12 Weird Stages Of Having A Crush On Someone You’ve Never Met

He's Just Not That Into You
He’s Just Not That Into You

The Spotting

This is it. This is big. That first moment you lock eyes with the mystery dreamboat across the room. Or maybe you don’t exactly lock eyes as much as you stare, realize you’re staring, and immediately go back to concentrating very seriously on your phone screen. You want to play it cool, obviously.

The Easy Breezy Beautiful Cover Girl

You aren’t just playing cool, you ARE cool. You are Blue Steel cool. Everything is casual, it’s not as if you start having massive heart palpitations when you notice they looked over you and SMILED. You are so chill, man. SO CHILL. You consider saying, “Hey, I’m chill!” to further prove it.

The Scrapbook

You still haven’t said a word to them, but have spent the last ten minutes reminiscing as to how magical the wedding was, and how much fun those yearly weekend getaways to (location) were. You create the perfect “Falling in LUV” playlist on Spotify, and let your imagination run rampant.

The Perfect Icebreaker

They walk past you and say hi. You say, “Hey.” *HEART EXPLODES* This is when they tell you your coffee costs 2.10, and you excitedly exclaim that you have the dime — clearly, you’ve just sealed the deal.

The John Cusack

You drop everything you’re doing and rush home to tell your roommate how you just found the love of your life. He/she asks for details. Details, shmetails. Who needs that stuff when it’s clearly meant 2 b?

The Sherlock Holmes

You have very little information to work on here, but trust your super sleuthing skills are about to shine bright like a diamond. Maybe you only have something super common like a first name to work with, but don’t sweat it. You’re a dedicated dreamer and you have a few hours to kill.

The Social Media Stalk

If they’ve left any trace of a life on social media, you better believe you’ve found it. Facebook. Twitter. LinkedIn. But then you consider deleting your entire internet existence when for a split second, you thought you accidentally clicked “send friend request.”

The Chameleon

Your detective skills came in handy, because now you know some of their interests and hobbies. You find out they like something like…ice fishing, and you start to think maybe you do too. You’ve just never given it a solid chance, you know? It’s not that you’re adopting all their traits and likes because you hope it will cement your fate together, no. You just want to try new things. Like…ice fishing?

Premeditated Meet Cute

You are both just going to HAPPEN to be at that one coffee shop, so you’ve definitely planned out how this could go down. You hope it will be a story you can tell the kids one day. How I Met Your Mother style, but maybe just a little shorter.

The Imaginary Relationship Stage

Now when you start to see your crush at a usual spot, it sort of feels like you’re going to a date. You get ready, you make sure your outfit is on point, and you walk past them several times. You also have loads and loads of conversations in your head between the two of you. You’ve practiced and rehearsed topics if this whole conversing were to ever happen…you know, outside your head.

The Break-Up

The “relationship” was wearing you out: emotionally, physically, financially. Maybe someone gave you a dose of unwanted reality. “He has a girlfriend, you know that right?” Whatever, maybe it IS time to move on.

“…who is THAT?”

Forget that bozo earlier, nothing compares to your new bae. No, this time it’s different. This time you are absolutely sure this sexy stranger is the ~**one**~~ Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Read this: The 10 Undeniable Stages Of Getting Wine Drunk
Read this: 14 Signs Your Guy Friend Has A Crush On You

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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