Having crazy curly hair comes with some serious emotional baggage. Just getting ready in the morning leaves you feeling traumatized and exhausted. You’re forever clogging your shower drain and going crazy with the conditioner because let’s face it, those locks of yours are an untamable lion just wanting to burst out of captivity.
We spend a fortune on hair care products and spend more time than we would like moping in front of the mirror and it’s a daily, never-ending struggle. Being defeated by our hair is literally the story of our lives.
1. Brushes are a joke.
They get stuck in the wilderness that is your hair way too easily. They tug, they rip, and they cause excruciating pain to your scalp. They create frizz and they make you feel like some lame-ass monster in a low-budget horror film. Does any good actually come out of using a brush? Because seriously, the tangles are still there even after you’ve given your arms a workout brushing your hair.
2. You wash your hair before work and it’s still wet when you finish work.
Waiting like a million years for your hair to dry is perfectly normal unless it’s stinking hot. During winter if you even think of plaiting or braiding your hair in the morning when it’s wet, expect to come home and it still is wet. There’s just too much hair and not enough time in the day.
3. But if you brave the hairdryer you look like Cousin Itt.
Why don’t you use a hairdryer then? You may ask. Well for us curly-haired girls something as simple as the hairdryer can quickly become our worst nightmares. Yes, the diffuser helps combat this, but this attachment is the easiest thing in the world to lose. So, long story short picking up the hairdryer makes our hair look like a fluffy Christmas tree.
4. Your natural hair resembles every romantic movie’s “before makeover” look.
Anne Hathaway’s disastrous pre-makeover look in The Princess Diaries is us 24/7. No joke, we just have to live with it because not all of us have royal stylists.
5. Hairdressers are forever giving conflicting advice.
You know how hairdressers always tell you to only apply conditioner to the tips of your hair? Ahhh…have they ever tried that on a curly girl’s hair? I think not. You easily go through a whole bottle of conditioner in a third of the time straight-haired girls do because it’s the staple ingredient of not looking like an unwashed lunatic.
6. Straightening your hair is no easy feat.
You may as well skip the gym altogether. Arm day will no longer be a thing for weights; rather, it’s a day for attacking your tresses with the straightener. Depending on the severity of your hair it can easily take up to an hour. Who has time for that shot every day?
7. Hair tie manufacturers seriously need to get their shit together.
The hair tie needs to wrap around your ponytail at least three times at the minimum. But after twist two they snap. After multiple attempts you fall defeated to the ground in tears (or at least you feel like it). Is it really that hard to make bigger, stronger elastic bands?
8. You always want what you can’t have.
Girls with straight hair are always like “I love your curly hair” while we’re standing there thinking, “Bitch I wish I had your straight hair.” It’s the classic human condition—we always want what we can’t have and chances are if we did somehow end up with straight hair we would probably want our curls back.