A Letter To My Future Son About The Way I Expect You To Treat Women

iStockPhoto.com / Katie Martynova
iStockPhoto.com / Katie Martynova

I love you so much and I haven’t even met you. Honestly, I don’t know if you will ever exist, but if you do, I want to tell you a few things. I will never fully understand what it is like to be a boy, but I will try. There will be times when you will not like me and I may not like you, but I will always love you.

I want to tell you a little bit about girls. You will never fully understand what it is like to grow up a girl, but you have to remember that it is very different. You will never have to go through the same things that girls your age will have to. Being born a girl can be the biggest honor as well as the biggest danger. Many girls are scared to be girls, because of what boys can do. I will tell you a little bit of what I, as a girl, have been through.

I have been on the receiving end of an unwatched touch, of unnecessary stares and cat calls, none of which were flattering in any way.

I have been called a whore for wearing a short shirt. I have been called a tease for not going home with someone I was flirting with. I have been called a bitch for saying no.

I have been called these names and much worse, sometimes for fun among a group of boys. They thought it was funny, but I have lived in fear and embarrassment because some people believed what was said. I have hidden from people because I was scared of what else could be said and how much more would be believed. I have scars on my wrist, they are not funny.

I have been played with and lied to over a stupid bet. I have had my heart broken and it has taken me a long time to get myself together again. I have been yelled at, I have been cheated on, and I have been pushed against the wall. I have had bruises that people could see, that I always hid very well. I have had moments when I lost my faith in men, because of what one boy did to me.

And it is not just me. Almost every girl has experienced this at some point in her life. I hope you never treat any girl like this. I want you to know what I have been through, and I never want you to be the cause of any pain or any tear in any girl’s eyes. I don’t want you to be the reason a girl stops having faith in mankind and believing in love. I hope you never do something just to look cool in front of your friends or your football team. I hope you never make a girl a joke over a pint of beer.

Your dad has probably done some of these things to other girls, never realizing that I was on the receiving end of it all, by another boy. I do not agree that boys will be boys, because there are values and discipline that boys can learn.

Someday when you have a daughter, you will finally understand, because you will know what boys are capable of doing. You will do everything in your power to protect your little girl from everything you did to other girls.

I hope I never raise you to be the reason a girl stops believing in love, a girl’s reputation is scarred, or a girl feels used. I hope I raise you to be someone who respects women, because at some point I have been that girl too. I want you to be the kind of boy and man that every woman dreams to meet, because I have raised you to respect women and treat them with kindness, without giving in to pressure from other male friends. It will be very hard, but that is what separates a boy from a man. How you treat women will reflect on how I raised you.

I hope you will always remember this, because I do not ever want to be ashamed of having a son. I want to always be proud of you. TC mark

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