Why Do Women Hate Each Other?


When I hear females saying things along the lines of “I’m not friends with too many women because they’re too much drama,” I can’t help but cringe. After years of experiencing all kinds of female friendships both good and bad, I’ve asked myself the same question over and over again. Why do women hate each other?

The truth is, most females, no matter how old they are will tell you that they’ve survived at least one type of mean girl in their past. Whether it was a situation that dealt with putting someone down, being dismissed, ignored or even socially tormented, they all seem to boil down to one thing- hatred. I just don’t understand it.

For some people they say that it has gotten worse in the past few years considering the increase in cyber bullying, but this issue has been around for ages. In one of my favorite books, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, the main character Francie describes how she feels after a group of middle aged women torment a young 17 year old girl because she had a baby yet she wasn’t married. The young girl decided to take an Autumn stroll down the street in Brooklyn with her baby and that same group of women threw pebbles at her. And no- this book does not take place during the Salem Witch Trials. It actually takes place in 1912. Although times are slightly different now, that same judgment and scrutiny would still be passed today- I’m sure of it.

Look at how powerfully Francie describes her feelings towards females: “Most women had one thing in common: they had great pain when they gave birth to their children. This should make a bond that held them together, it should make them love and protect each other against the man-world. But it was not so. It seemed like their great birth pains shrank their hearts and their souls. They stuck together for only one thing- to trample on some other woman…whether it was by throwing stones or mean gossip. It was the only kind of loyalty they seemed to have. As long as I live, I will never have a woman for a friend. I will never trust any woman again, except maybe mama.”

If this doesn’t break your heart, I have no words for you. Why do some of us seemingly hate our own gender? As women we should be allies to each other, not be taught to hate and compete with each other. Why should this be the case?

There’s just a plethora of confusion that makes absolutely no sense. Honestly, I think the hatred for other women comes from within. Once a woman hates herself, it’s easy to get her to hate another woman. I say this because if a woman who hates herself sees a woman who seemingly doesn’t hate herself, it’s easy to project the internalized negativity onto her. Think about it. How many times have you heard, “Who does she think she is?” “She’s not all that anyway” “Why is she so full of herself?” This is true for all humans, not just women. It is human nature.

It pains me to think that we have this mentality. Society has us pitted against each other and seems to want to keep us from being whole and healthy as individuals and as a group. We should be and need to be celebrated by each other so that we can stand united and fight against injustice toward our gender. Women should empower each other instead of being so hateful towards each other.

This feels like an uphill battle, but I believe that we can and will be able to make it to the top. It starts by loving ourselves and loving each other. TC Mark

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