An Open Letter To Every Boy Who "Doesn't Want A Relationship Right Now"

A Non-Comprehensive List Of Realizations You Reach During Your Mid-20s

1. Having enough savings gives you a peace of mind. 

Your worth is not valued by money. And it shouldn’t be. Who you are as a person can’t be quantitatively measured. But it doesn’t mean that you can stare at the tree all day waiting for the apple to drop. Working hard for financial security will exponentially give you peace of mind in your mid-20s. The number of digits in your bank account is proof that you’re doing something right in your life. When you have enough savings, you’re flexible. You can make big jumps. You can move to some Caribbean island to start building a new world. And so staying at home watching Netflix on weekend nights to save more money is becoming a norm to you now.

2. Your relationship with your parents is more important than with anyone else. 

Most of us have love/hate relationships with our parents. We fight them, argue with them, give them cold shoulders when they don’t give us space. But each time we find ourselves stuck in a shithole, they’re always there to find and rescue us. Often we fail to see how much they love us, only realizing it when it’s already too late. But if we can give our hearts to other people who end up hurting us, why not rather give it to those who have been loving us since we were little? Our parents aren’t perfect — they say the wrong words, they do something irritating sometimes, but they’re the ones who raised us. Giving them the respect that they deserve is the least that we can do for them.

3. Some of your childhood dreams won’t come true anymore. 

There are only a few hours in a day, less than a hundred years to live. At this point, it’s safe to assume that not every dream that we have as children will become part of our realities. We’ve taken so many detours by now. We’ve traveled far enough to go back to where we came from. We’ve already carved a path and maybe it’s time to just concentrate on this road we’re taking. Some of us will no longer win an Oscar, sell millions of music album, fly through space, have a house with a white picket fence and a family and a dog. Real life isn’t fairytale — this we’ve figured out. But we’re trying to play the cards that are handed to us in the best, smartest way.

4. One sign of appreciation from your boss can make your day. 

That one genuine and heartfelt comment from your boss can easily motivate you even on your worst day. I know not all of us are blessed or lucky enough to have a good boss, but I think that someday you’ll eventually find one. Just because you don’t like the people you’re working with now doesn’t mean that you’re in a wrong career. It’s possible that you can fall in love with any job as long as you’re in the right environment. Whenever you feel stuck, you have to remember that you always have options. That you’re allowed to leave a place you don’t feel like you belong.

5. Not finding true love at 24 is perfectly normal. 

Have you ever had that moment when you pause for one damn second and think about how marketable you are in the dating world? When you realize that you’re actually in your mid-20s for crying out loud? That’s right. That’s the time when you begin to understand that you have the freedom to put yourself out there. Being emotionally involved with the wrong people shouldn’t discourage you to take risks in love. It’s okay to be wild, to get laid, to have your heart be broken, or break someone’s heart too. Because who cares? The more you fuck up, the more you learn. And the more you learn, the closer you are in finding the one who will want to be in your life now and forever.

6. You deserve to take a break. 

Flowers don’t bloom beautifully under a scorching heat of the sun. Burnout is not a myth. Burnout happens when you work a lot and don’t listen to the desperate whispers of your body. You deserve a pause. You deserve to breathe. You deserve to do something you love outside of your responsibilities. The saddest thing that can happen in your mid-20s is losing your sense of self because you’ve given all of your time and energy in making sure other people are happy. Work-life balance isn’t for the weak, it’s for the people who care about their mental, physical, and spiritual health.

7. It’s possible to control your thoughts. 

Seeing therapist is helpful. Reading medical journals gives you more knowledge. And seeking professional advice only makes you a responsible person. Your thoughts are powerful and can potentially hurt you. But you can control them. There are ways to control them. If you’re struggling to keep your head straight or if you feel like something is heavy inside of you, it’s okay to reach out. You shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for help when your ultimate goal is to be better. We all want to be better. We all want to be happy. We all want to be loved. And you should never hold yourself back from achieving those just because you’re scared of what other people will say.

8. Time is the most valuable thing someone can give you. 

One way of reading someone’s good intentions is by carefully paying attention to how they care about your time. The person who really wants to be part of your world will not make you hold your breath. They will not take too long to respond to you. I read somewhere that when someone likes you, they will call or text — it’s really that simple. Some people consider time as a valuable thing in life. And when they give it to you freely, it means that they see something great in you that they’ve never seen in anyone before.

9. Holding on to promises will only break you. 

People change their minds. You can spend the night in bed with someone and wake up the next day alone. They’ll make you believe that they see their future with you until they get what they want. And next thing you know, they’ve moved on with a new person who looks exactly like you. Holding on to promises of tomorrow will only hurt you in the end. Because nobody knows about the future. Everyone’s preferences don’t stay the same. You can only hope that no matter what happens, no matter where you go, the people who are close to you will still want you to be beside them.

10. Endings are always hard. 

Some stories end for reasons we can and can’t control. But either way, goodbyes never get easier. There’s always that one moment when everything flashes back and all the memories come crashing down on you. Endings can make you cry sometimes, but they’re necessary. You hurt less when you pull yourself away from something that you know will never work out. You avoid digging deeper holes with someone because you’re sure that you will only destroy them when you leave. Your feet are not meant to be tied in your 20s. You are meant to run, to spread your wings, to soar, to see more. You have so many places to leave footprints on. And bidding farewell is just another thing you need to learn to get used to in your 20s. TC mark