From birth, we’re taught to love our mothers and be there for them, to take care of them, and most of all: respect them. I know this isn’t always easy—we don’t pick our family. But, we can pick the person we want to share our life with. Of course, a mother is entitled to have an opinion of who her son is dating, but if your boyfriend’s mother seems to be dominating both his life and decision making, you might be dating a mama’s boy.
Remember: competing with a bond that has been forged over decades isn’t your responsibility. If your guy is a keeper, he should be capable of an intimate relationship with each of you simultaneously. And, if he can’t, the problem isn’t his mother—it’s him!
If you suspect your guy might be a mama’s boy, these 7 clues may help you determine whether he’s a man or a little boy who still hides in his mother’s skirts.
1. He Lives With Her
There’s nothing wrong with a man living at home with his mother. We’ve all experienced a time in our lives when we’ve needed a little help from our parents, especially after losing a job or after a big breakup. Though, if he works a 9-to-5 job but has never lived independently, has no plans to move out, and avoids conversations about your future life together, it’s a sign that he’s scared to leave the nest. Think about this one hard, it could be a deal-breaker in the long term.
2. She Does His Laundry
It doesn’t matter how much a mother loves her son, if he’s a grown man he needs to learn how to do his own laundry. Because guess what: if it gets serious, it’s going to be you slaving over his grimy shirt collars and dirty underwear. This is the 21st Century, and your man should know how to turn on a washing machine the same way he knows how to turn on the T.V. during Monday Night Football. These are facts.
3. They Talk Everyday
Does she call him every morning to make sure he eats his breakfast? Do they spend hours on the phone talking through his work issues, his life issues…even his relationship issues? Does she freak out when he travels overseas, or even leaves the state for the weekend? If so, it’s a sign that he’s dependent on her for advice, and that he might have difficulty making decisions on his own.
4. He Always Takes Her Side
Does he ever say, “Come on, baby, she’s my Mom! What do you want me to do?” It’s annoying to know that no matter what you say or do, he’ll always pick her side. No man should ever be asked to choose between the woman who raised him and the woman who shags him. However, if you ever want him to consider your feelings before his mother’s, you have to let him know that he needs to stand up for the woman he loves. There’s nothing wrong with his close relationship with mom, but it shouldn’t interfere with him giving you the support and attention you need.
5. He Expects You To Be Like Her
Does he want you to act like her, cook like her, clean like her, dress like her—basically be her? That’s not going to happen. In fact, it’s creepy. You’re your own person and you should never have to be like anyone else. You’re unique and he should love you for who you are. You shouldn’t need to be his mom or even be like her.
6. No Privacy
No woman wants to be in a relationship that looks like Sheldon Cooper and his mother from The Big Bang Theory. Often, women expect men to have difficulties talking about intimate issues, but when a woman finds out her man has been speaking to his mother about their relationship problems and not with her, she feels betrayed. If it’s serious, there shouldn’t be any secrets between you. He should have no problem being honest with you about issues in your relationship. These issues should stay between the two of you, and not between him and his mother. Let him know that it is not acceptable.
7. If You Answered Yes To All The Above…Then He Is Who He Is
If you’ve checked off every item on this list so far, you might be in trouble. There’s no denying it: he’s a mama’s boy. If he’s not willing to change, then it might be time to face reality: you’re better off moving on. Love and relationships are a two-way street. If he’s not willing to take your needs into account and commit to a relationship where you help one another grow, it’s definitely time to let go. You can’t waste time and energy on helping someone become an adult. Find someone who’s ready for you.