1. Nature is conceived as female. Think “Mother Nature.” Even the word nature itself in its original Latin (natura) means birth. Which is to say: to ask the “nature” of something is to ask how it was born, how it relates to the feminine. Literally and metaphorically, women define nature and the world.
2. They smell nice.
3. Women are better at communicating and connecting with people. They use language to feel close to people not confront them. They are warm and loving.
4. Women have a better emotional memory.
5. Little girls are easier to potty train than little boys, according to my friend with six kids (and my own mom).
6. Women are more intellectually advanced and existentially secure. In William Faulkner’s short story “The Bear”, the character Isaac McCaslin thinks to himself: “[Women] are born already bored with what a boy approaches only at fourteen and fifteen with blundering and aghast trembling.” #REAL.
7. As Volatire says, “I hate women because they always know where things are.” Well don’t hate, you misogynistic Frenchman, but this is true: Women’s brains can map things well and they have an incredible spidey sense.
8. The most famous caregiver in the world was a women.
9. They can carry other humans inside their own bodies (like Kangaroos).
10. Women have higher IQs, according to a recent study.
11. They can make milk with their nipples. Try asking a man to do that.
12. Women are generally smaller than men, requiring less food and smaller clothes, and therefore using up fewer of the world’s limited natural resources.
13. Women are born with the multi-tasking gene.
14. Women are the giants’ shoulders that great men have stood upon for generations. As the old saying goes, behind every successful man is a woman. (But behind every successful woman is there a great man?)
15. They have incredibly angelic singing voices.
16. Women don’t sweat, they “glow”!
17. Women have a certain mystique. Their sexual organs are not external, they’re hidden, which is magical and alluring.
18. Women are wonderful because their strength is silent; it’s willful and confident but not overwrought or bulky. They’re tough as nails. They’ve had to fight (and continue to fight) for equal rights.
19. Because of this woman:
20. And this one:
21. And her smile:
22. Women rule because mothers are so important. In nature, there are beings that eat the male during copulation. However, there are no animals that kill the mother in reproduction. Why? Because the mother is the bedrock of life, both biologically and developmentally.
23. Boobs are incredibly fun to play with.
24. Women commit fewer violent crimes than men do.
25. They can sometimes pull off menswear better than men can.
26. They live longer.
27. They queef.