Thought Catalog

I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

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Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.

Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?

I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance. The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality.

You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back. TC mark

Amy Glass’ identity and reasoning behind this article revealed here.

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    Reblogged this on Behind the Shipping Desk and commented:
    Somehow I think this is true… I know my religion teach me that being a mother is a perfect job and we’re guaranteed heaven. But being a mother does not mean being a housewife, right? Especially at our young age. There are more things to do, to see, to explore.

  • http://poisonedwell.wordpress.com genderneutrallanguage

    I disagree. House work, child care, cooking cleaning, budgeting all of the aspects of managing a household are VERY important tasks that MUST be done. Well the must be done if we are to continue as a species and not die out in a single generation from lack of procreation. What is “holding women back” isn’t the praise and support for being average that female homemakers get. What is “holding women back” is the lack of praise and support for being average that a male homemaker gets. Less than 1 in 300 homemakers is male. It is this sexism against men that prevents men from taking up and being respected for an average roll as homemaker that prevents the support structures needed for amazing women to excel. Doing the laundry will never be as important as being a doctor. Women won’t have the time needed to become doctors or practice medicine so long as we maintain the sexism against men that excludes men from aspiring to average in homemaker roles.

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    Great. We just made an angry woman internet famous because she doesn’t understand the value behind creating life and maintaining a relationship with the adult and children living in your home, while simultaneously keeping said home clean enough to eat off the floors within a fifteen second rule.

    Marriage is a milestone, and contrary to her belief, finding someone that you love and trust with your life and allowing them to knock you up isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Ask all the divorced parents out there, this isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

    Do I want to criticize everything this blogger said? Nah, not really. I thought most of it was funny, seeing as how I live the life she criticizes and it’s really nothing the way she described it.

    Paring off and making babies isn’t for everyone- for years I figured my thirties would be spent doing whatever I wanted with short-term male companions, depending on the season. Not to say I never wanted to marry, I just didn’t trust anyone to see the person I saw in the mirror and stick around for the rest of the train wreck of my life. a

    One day my life changed, and with it, the way I saw relationships. I met someone who told me he loved me, and he meant it. He didn’t just tell me, he showed me, and does probably just as much showing as telling- which I have to remind myself when I’m feeling down. Half a decade later, our family was complete with the birth of something more beautiful and amazing than either of us could create on our own. Was that a milestone? Hell yeah it was.

    Maybe not to a single person who wants to throw a shower for backpacking through Europe, but that’s fine. People have different things that make their life worth living, and I don’t expect anyone, acquaintances or my friends to feel as strongly about my husband and son as I do. They are MY life.

    That being said, I think it’s a little silly to openly criticize something that some of us hold sacred- I know there are men AND women out there who didn’t think their marriage was important enough to maintain, and that’s all on them- not me. I’m not going to take to the interwebs, telling them that they suck at life because they sucked at marriage. It’s hard, and you have to really be on a certain level with yourself before you can succeed at keeping yourself and others in your home alive and happy.

    It’s not all cerebral beauty and spiritual bliss; some weeks I drown in my life. My beautiful home complete with husband and baby morph into cinderblocks tied to my ankles and I’m not a strong enough swimmer to keep my head above water. I tread as long as I can until something small and stupid- like a bottle of saline flushing down the toilet- makes me consider inhaling the water that surrounds me and just give up.

    I’m afraid that when it’s time for me to rejoin society I’ll only have the ability to talk about laundry detergent and board books, or the recipes I think about trying on Pinterest.

    I long for the girl who took bong rips in college and shots of rumpleminze by the dozen and woke up hangover free. The girl who never backed down from a dare- no matter how ridiculous it was. Now she’s losing a battle of strengths to a small person laying on his back with his entire bottom half covered in poop that I mentally document because the color isn’t right.

    Ten minutes or two days later my child runs up to me and kisses me, or my husband accidentally looks at me the way he used to when we were dating and I feel whole again. I wouldn’t trade everything I have with them for all the solitary trips through Europe or any career in the world.

    So no, lady. Marriage and families aren’t easy. It’s not something any idiot can do; most idiots abandon their families for an easier life, you know, like the one you have.

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