This Is What Tasting Your Own Semen Can Do For Your Sex Life

Intimacy. We all crave it. In fact, Amazon offers more than 8,000 titles just dedicated to increasing intimacy in our relationships. The problem is, though, the majority of these self-help books revolve around over-beaten psychological babble meant to shame us into “reaching out more” and “being authentic enough to love.”

Pshaw!

When we engage in a meaningful, monogamous intimate relationships, we turn to sex as one method of engendering that crucial connection we so crave. Sex invites our partner into our cherished inner circle and conversely, beckons us into our beloved’s confidential chasm of energy. No matter how skilled the lover, no matter how many positions can be mastered or techniques refined, we shoot for that goalpost: the orgasm.

For the gents out there, it’s hearing, “More! Faster! Harder! Now! Now!” that sends shivers up our spines and happy arrows into our hearts. We’ve struck pay dirt! And no matter how many times it happens (yes, we count, you know we do!), when we finally get there and it’s “cum time,” we feel as if the vortex of the world has centered on us and we’ve opened a third eye. We let loose!

A male orgasm is akin to a small nuclear explosion (even if the average one last less than 7 seconds) and we enjoy every one of those seconds. Alas, the majority of couples cuddle for a few minutes before the inevitable towel is brought out or worse, you utter “I better go clean up.” Talk about taking the intimacy out of intimate.

I believe semen (or cum, jizz, you can pick your creamy word of choice) is a connective element to continued love-making.

Once having ejaculated internally, I love to tongue-lash my lover. My role during this process is to perform expert oral sex on her, all the while cleaning her of the semen I deposited moments earlier. (Gents, before you click the back button, stop and admit you haven’t tasted — or thought of tasting — your own semen.)

Strong homoerotic stigmas still, to this day, plague the male race in our society, often supported (subconsciously?) by men themselves. But the thought does swim within our sensual thoughts; heading south and peering at that cum-filled vestibule of love is really quite a trip. Once she knows what’s about to happen, a renewed sense of heightened sexuality surfaces and she actually gets turned on!

There are nights she’ll grind my head into her softness, clutching my hair in gasps as I tongue deeply. And still other nights, it’s a tender orchestra of hot breath on the right parts and tender parting of the petals to retrieve the sought-after elixir. On those nights, I hear her almost cry in release.

Most men think women gulp down semen, detesting the taste.

(Gents, I’m not sure what you’re eating but if it’s asparagus casserole and gnarly processed foods, along with cigarettes and loads of coffee, don’t be surprised when she’s looking to spit. Your junk is going to taste terrible!)

I’ve trained myself to augment a healthy diet with plenty of fruits, wholesome vegetables (steer clear of the pungent ones) and of course: pineapple juice. You’re thinking, “What? That’s an old rumor; couldn’t possibly matter.” Ahhh, gents … it does. I’ve religiously drank pineapple juice for months and I can enthusiastically state that my cum is sweeter. Conjoined with plenty of trips to the gym and solid sleep, cum cocktails are always on tap.

We also enjoy a fair degree of “cum play.”

This is where my girlfriend will provide a heavenly BJ and after cumming in her mouth, we will kiss and share the semen. It can get hot and heavy where the entire load is passed into my mouth and she’ll cup my face in her hands to encourage me to swallow. Other times, it’s highly passionate and the semen will literally be dripping off our faces. Those are the times we don’t care where it goes; it’s simply the act of cum-kissing that brings us to a renewed sense of adoration and love.

So what’s this got to do with higher intimacy? Must you, as a hetero man, now join the Semen Slurpers Society? Absolutely not. This very intimate and private facet of our love-making points to myriad manners in which couples can engender truly passionate and meaningful intimacy into their love life. After all, sex is universally seen as the heightened connection between lovers and a bond between body, mind and universal spirit.

Will you be tempted after reading this article? Maybe.

Will pineapple juice sales skyrocket at Trader Joe’s? I bought 6 last night in case there’s a shortage.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.