He’s sooooo sweet and sooooo emotional and sooooo willing to bend-over-backwards for you. He’s the perfect guy, right? No, he’s a little bitch and you need to dispose of him immediately before the power dynamic becomes so off-kilter you’re practically begging him to dump you. (But the truth is – you’re probably a little bit of a bitch, too.) Here’s a few signs:
1. He cries more than you do. We can all appreciate an emotional man but if he’s sobbing through his Kleenex at the rom-com you dragged him to, something’s a little weird.
2. He talks to his mom every damn day. Once a week is normal. On the hour is not. Don’t even step up to the plate for this alpha-female competition: you’ll probably lose and even if you don’t, you’ll hate yourself every day for trying.
3. He constantly defers to you. Man up, buddy! If you’re dating someone who lets you call the shots on everything (“Whatever you want, babe.” “No problem, babe.” “That’s fine, babe.”) that’s not cute or precious or anything resembling someone with a penis. Solid relationships require two opinions and spoiler alert: Your opinion does not count as two opinions.
4. He doesn’t stand up for you. Or himself. You treat him like shit and he lets you. In fact, you didn’t alway used to treat him like shit, but once you realized what you were capable of getting away with with no repercussions, it became a bit of a bad habit. And now the power dynamic is completely skewed in your favor and you’ve lost total respect for him.
5. Your friends tell you you’re dating a wimp. Wimp is code for little b*tch. Also be suspicious if people refer to him as “almost too nice.” That’s a grey area. Tread carefully.
6. He drops everything for you. Even stuff that’s important to him, like the fantasy football draft with his bro-dawgs or a family dinner with his out-of-state aunt and uncle. Truth: It’s normal to be flexible. It’s not normal to drastically change your schedule for someone on a dime every other day. If he does, he has no backbone.
7. He’s super-into expressing his love for you on Facebook. A sweet post or photo every now and then is normal. Blowing up your newsfeed with posts about how #blessed he is to have you, your relationship, your love, you, and more of you (as if your God’s gift to the female gender) is creepy and borderline obsessive. #byefelicia