Thought Catalog

Letter To My Best Friend

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To My Best Friend:

I am unsure of how to begin this letter. Most of our conversations are never words, rather actions: a smile between note-taking; looking at each other over cups, your coffee clutched in jittery hands and my earl grey whispering steam; a tug at the corner of your shirt to pull you back from the oncoming traffic while jaywalking. The few words we do exchange are formal. Hello. How’s Your Day Been Going. What Time Is It. To the world we are strangers accidentally drawn to each other by an inexplicable gravitational pull that keeps us joined at the hip, yet completely autonomous.

Perhaps I should replace “are” with “were” because our silent exchanges only ever occurred in the past tense. Now you are far away, too far to touch, to feel. I too, am far; too far to read the Braille of your face, or to analyze the clenching and unclenching of your tired fingers to know what you are thinking.  I compromise with pictures constructed from pixels; each click of the mouse to move to the next is indistinguishable from the ticking of the clock behind me. Each click is a second becomes a minute becomes a couple of minutes becomes an hour of playing mind games with the photo gallery of a social network. One clue here, another clue there. Go on, piece together the happenings of her life like a fucking jigsaw.  Press your face close enough to the screen and everything blurs together. Pull back and it’s still blurry and why are you crying, stop crying. Stop.

Tell me, what does it take for you to recognize all that is not right for you? What can I do, to the fullest of my pathetic human ability, to save you? Save you from the people you think you need to fall asleep, the ones who you think cleared your lungs of the tar of your ill-wishes and silent curses? I sit in bed, still as death, save for my mouth forming the words Those Who Are Good To You Are Not Always Good For You.

Oh, there you are again, on the other end of this invisible wire, the lines that run from the galaxies down to our city, connecting us by monthly plans and used up minutes. And here I am, chanting my mantra to your deaf ears, the listening vessels that are ringing with a voice you think is better than a hymn. Because Hymns Never Lead Me To Salvation, I know you want to tell me. Neither Did This, I want to say back. But you are cracked and chipped and you think this false hymn is your seal, the last stop on the road to fixing yourself. It is not the last stop. It can’t be.

Love can only go so far.

Alas, Best Friend, I came here with the unfamiliarity of words. This bulky, unwelcome present is yours to keep. May this present never collect dust. May you keep polishing this present, that is, my prayers and advice till they’ve been worn down to create a groove where your heart fits perfectly. TC mark

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    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      :'(

    • Eva

      So beautiful, it pulled me in and I wish you'd written more because I so wanted to read more of this.

    • JLondon

      this was written so beautifully. i'll be sharing ths :)

    • sh

      lovely

    • http://profiles.google.com/cowashee Colleen Farrell

      Absolutely perfect. I could write a similar letter.

    • soulunsold

      The disintegration of a friendship always happens too rapidly to be saved. Thank you for this.

    • What

      I can't tell what this is abt. Someone please tell me, i don't get it. This seemed really messy and most of the sentences seem broken. What is it even about? I really want to know what this is about. What is it?

      • http://profiles.google.com/incorrect.punctuation Nicole Tan

        She's written it in a sort of lyrical prose-poem. The sentences are just fine, save for the times when she capitalizes every word in her sentence. It's about the disintegration of a friendship– about how the little things that used to tie two friends together are now sort of empty. About how different someone can become in a short span of time, how there's nothing you can do to save them from their path of destruction.

        I say it in a much less eloquent way.

        • What

          I'm sorry I still don't think I 'get' this. It seems to me that this article is poorly executed and doesn't seem to have much of a purpose. Whatever prose is present here seems to be largely directionless. The use of metaphor/simile/other literary devices seem stilted and very forced. Can't seem to get around the sentence proposing faces have something to do w/ braille. Like I dunno did this friend decide to 'break up' b/c you keep feeling up his/her face?

          Other than that I don't see how this article conveys any kind of message like: 'It's about the disintegration of a friendship', or anything like that. It seems to me that this article does try much in the way of establishing anything relatable or realistic. If there is any sort of plot taking place here it is heavily obscured by hamfisted control of metaphor and a general disinterest in trying to involve an audience in what seems to be a very private affair.

          Don't want to sound like a d-bag but this article is rlly bad. I hope the author doesn't feel like he/she has to resort to such a convoluted prosaic style in the future to communicate something as universal as 'dumping your friend'. I would like to hear your thoughts more than anything. Ultimately I'm not sure what this article is about. We can all make guesses but I don't think anyone will know for certain except 4 the authior.

        • Aelya

          You actually said it perfectly :)

      • em

        i read it as a lyric essay. check out john d'agata, jenny boully, theresa hak kyung-cha, carole maso… that's all who i can think of off the top of my head.

    • em

      i liked this. if it's a series, more please.

    • nic

      Don't like. Sorry.

      • Dadas

        this didn’t help me at all…. i was looking for how to start off a letter, not how you should write one or you should write one… good try, but this wasn’t what i was looking for… SOZ BROZ! Try harder! Later
        XX

    • Adriana

      I should write a later just like this… Never give it to her, or post it anywhere, in hopes that she might stumble upon it and recognize it all. I don't know if that was once real for you, if your best friend was once so incredibly close to you and then so incredibly far in the blink of an eye, but that's how my it was for me and I can 'feel' the words in this letter. It made me cry. Thank you :)

    • Sam

      I really enjoyed it and loved it.

    • Thought Catalog

      Reblogged this on makeyourmoment.

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