I met Nick in the most embarrassing way it’s possible to meet someone you have sex with: at a celebrity meet and greet. His celebrity meet and greet.
It was very cheesy, but the kind of cheesy that’s fun to embrace everyone once in awhile, a guilty pleasure. Like most women on the planet, my friends and I watched The Bachelor together religiously. Everyone would show up with their own personal bottle of Pinot Grigio or Vinho Verde (or champagne, for final episodes) and we’d spend hours alternatively gossiping and vaguely paying attention to the show.
We loved making fun of Chris Harrison and how corny he was as he kept promising the most dramatic turn of events EVER. We loved the clueless men and women who’d line up to compete for whatever tragically average person was selected as that season’s Bachelor/Bachelorette. We loved the rose ceremonies and making little bets about who was going to go home and who was going to get engaged (for a few months anyway) at the end of the season.
Nick was our favorite, even on Andi’s season, even when he outed her for fucking him and then sending him home. We thought he was cute and honest and not like the other Bachelor contestants. He was the scrappy underdog and we rooted for him with Andi and then we rooted for him with Kaitlyn and then we just wanted him to find anyone in Paradise — and then we REALLY rooted for him when his name was being tossed around to become the next Bachelor.
While Paradise was airing my friend Liz saw on Facebook that Nick was going to be doing an appearance at one of our favorite bars downtown. You could go and drink with him and not even pay a cover charge. It was just their trick to pack the bar with women so a bunch of men would go after the event was over and spend all their money buying shots for the already sloshed Bachelor fans. We made plans to go immediately.
The night of the event we met at my apartment because it was the closest to downtown. Liz and my other friend Steph brought over a few outfits each and we got through a bottle and a half of wine just getting ready and putting makeup on. We had a nice buzz going when we got to the bar, which was lucky because we noticed the event was embarrassingly not well attended.
It was a large bar that was always packed on weekend nights. It was usually difficult to navigate around but now the lights were on too bright and there was no crowd of bodies to distract from the shitty bar furniture, greasy tables and beat up chairs. The large flat screens were playing an episode from Kaitlyn’s season that featured Nick heavily. We spotted him up by the stage where there would be a cover band later that night.
There was a circle of girls around him, so we decided to get drinks first. We had vodka shots because the bar was kind of empty and we suddenly felt self-conscious in the bright lighting. It was a little much on top of all the wine we had before leaving, and can at least partially be responsible for my behavior when I met Nick.
The crowd that had been around him when we arrived had dissipated and he was leaning against the stage talking to a manager looking woman who was about a foot shorter and 10 years older than him.
He smiled and waved us over I could tell he looked a little relieved to be surrounded by some normal looking girls for a minute.
“Hey! We’re big fans” I told him as we sidled up to him.
I wouldn’t talk to most “celebrities” like this but Nick struck me as the kind of guy who’d been insecure most of his life so now he was lapping up all the attention he was getting from women. He made a little nervous laugh that confirmed this impulse, “Welcome, welcome.”
“How are you liking Chicago?”
“It’s my favorite place I’ve been lately.”
“We’re really hoping you’re going to be the next Bachelor. We need some eye candy this season!”
I felt his arm up as I said this. I knew I was being ridiculous but that I kind of got a feeling he was into it, and it was so surreal seeing him in person. I felt like being slutty and making a terrible decision and being able to laugh about aggressively hitting on the corny reality TV star for the rest of time.
A waitress came over with a tray of shots and I made a big show out of buying him one. He kept smiling like a little goon over all the attention I was giving him. We cheers-ed and took the shots, when it went down I felt a little burn in the back of my throat and a little boost of confidence, I was past the point of caring. I winked at Liz and Steph and leaned into Nick, resting a hand on his bicep and my lips lightly touching his ear:
“What are you doing after this?”
That’s how easy it was to end up in Nick’s hotel room at the end of the night. I just had to ask. The thing about guys who grew up think they were ‘nerdy’ is that they try so much harder to please a woman than most do. You think you can get a Chad Johnson type to go down on you? Good luck! You can hit on him all night and maybe you’ll go home with him, but he’ll be passive aggressively putting you down and then complimenting you all night. It’s just so much less complicated with a guy like Nick.
I spent a few hours drinking and dancing with my friends, waiting for him to be able to leave his appearance at the allotted time and then I met him in a back room and we took a cab to where he was staying. In the backseat I ran my hand up and down his thigh (It’s corny, but it’s so hot to get a guy going when you’re being driven somewhere). He told me about the show and how he quit his sales job and felt a little dumb that he was 36 and just making money from going to bars — but how could you say not to that? I laughed and tried to get dirt on Chris Harrison, but he said there wasn’t any.
Back at the hotel he made us drinks from the minibar. He kept the lights off, which I liked because he had a beautiful view of all the city lights from the window.
“Does this happen to you all the time?” I asked as he sat on the bed and I straddled him.
“Not as often as you’d think.”
He was timid and nervous but with this weird undercurrent of confidence, like the slutty band nerd who doesn’t think he’s cool but has still gotten with a lot of women.
It shocked me when he put his hand behind my head and grabbed a fist full of my hair. He pulled my head back and held it in place while he kissed my neck. His beard was short and the stubble increased the sensation of feeling him all over such a sensitive space, I moaned a little and felt him harden between my legs.
I couldn’t stop myself from grinding into him a little bit. He released my head and I got my thought together enough to unbutton his shirt. I tried to take a mental snapchat of his body (thank you crossfit!!) but I didn’t want to slow down.
He pulled my dress down over my shoulders and pushed it down to my waist. In a swift motion he’d removed my breasts from my bra and put his mouth on them, savoring the moment. I pressed my fingers into his head, keeping him there for a few minutes while I admired the view.
He whispered “Can I go down on you?” And I was on my back before I became conscious of even removing the the rest of my clothing. I felt his tongue hit my clit forcefully as he fingered me. What a pro. (Why did Andi and Kaitlyn let him go again?). I ran my hands through his hair and idly wondered if any of those lit up offices across the street contained board businessmen who were now getting quite the show.
I was being a little loud thanks to the alcohol and that always made me cum a bit quicker. I told him I was close and disappeared into the pillows as I felt him bury his face into me. My legs wrapped tightly over his shoulders as I came.
He pulled up and kissed me, full stop, which was the most forward he’d been all night and incredibly sexy. He told me he was going to get a condom and I reached a hand down so that he could watch me play with myself while he put it on. I felt wetness everywhere, more than usual.
We made eye contact and I moaned, eager for him to be on me. He returned to the bed, lifted one of my legs and I adjusted my hips so he could enter me. My whole body lit up in that moment and I felt his mouth around my nipple as he began thrusting into me, somewhere between a rough and a gentle fuck. I ran my fingers through his hair, across his back, down his arms and then gripped his lower back, pulling him into me. This was good sex.
His mouth found my neck again and I reach down to rub my clit while he fucked me. My moan went into his mouth, his lips were on mine now.
His pace accelerated and I worked my leg down from his shoulder to wrap myself tightly around his waist so he could get as deep as possible before he came. He groaned and dug his fingers into my thighs, cementing himself into me as he came.
We enjoyed our time together afterwards. We cuddled and ordered room service and laughed about little things that weren’t even that funny. I left a few hours later so I could sleep alone, diagonally across my bed and text my friends all the dirty details. It had been the perfect celebrity hookup, and needless to say it’s made every moment of this season that much more enjoyable.
Producer’s Note: It should be noted that this story is fictional. No fantasy suites were defiled in the making of this post.