Would You Date A Bisexual Man?

Flickr, Jacinta Moore
Flickr, Jacinta Moore

Bisexuals are like the UFOs of the sexual world – few believe they exist and the ones who swear they do are often regarded with a degree of contempt and lunacy. They get a bad rap from gays and straights alike. Each side is incredulous that someone can enjoy sex with both sexes equally. Straights tend to think they’re just gays in denial while gays also express uneasiness about them. Are they repressed and not yet in full acceptance of their nature? It’s cynically said bisexuality is just a brief layover on the way to gay town.

Being exclusively attracted to men, I had a hard time comprehending and accepting the existence of bisexuality. Viewed from my own limited perspective in which I was bisexual for about a week before realizing, no I just like men, I couldn’t understand that this wasn’t a universal experience. Surely, I had maintained, bisexuals were gay but just not yet ready to embrace their underlying urges.

While it is true that some people declare themselves bisexual before completely coming out as gay, as if it were somehow more palatable and easy to accept if one is only half-gay, this pales in comparison to the silent majority of true bisexuals who are genuinely attracted to both men and women.

It would seem that if one is willing to admit an attraction to the same sex, then there’s no reason they would hold back from fully embracing their sexuality to its fullest extent. There’s just as much stigma in being bisexual as there is in being gay – in fact, there might even be more because while the gay community will embrace anyone into its fold, it’s suspicious of those sitting on the fence.

Sexologist Alfred Kinsey discovered that all humans fall on a 7-point spectrum of sexuality, from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual. One’s rating on the scale can change during the course of a lifetime, presumably meaning that sexuality can evolve over time.

A friend of mine is divorcing her husband after he realized (or admitted) his bisexuality in his early 30’s and began acting on his desires. He wasn’t only interested in extra-marital affairs with men, but women also. He wanted an open relationship to sleep with whomever he felt like. Understandably no man or woman would want to be surprised with this revelation, but what about if you began dating a man who was upfront about his bisexuality? Would you dump him right away or see where it could go?

Most women would emphatically state that no, they would never want to date a bisexual man. It would take a confident woman, one who was not only sure of herself and her desirability, but also extremely open minded about sexuality. Maybe someone who was bisexual herself.

Bisexuals are the freelancers of sexuality. They’re not tied down to one rigid attraction. They’ll often say that they fall in love with the person, regardless of gender. In this way, they might be more evolved than the rest of us.

Among women, bisexuality is not only accepted but fetishized. For men, dating a bisexual girl means the possibility of fulfilling a fantasy of a threesome with two women. A straight man wouldn’t even mind much if his girlfriend cheated on him with another woman. He might just ask to watch the next time.

But turn the tables and let’s examine the state of the bisexual man. Women cannot accept that a man might enjoy getting fucked by another man while also enjoying sleeping with women. It’s as if they’re tainted by the experience for life. Once a man has been with a man, the reputation follows him for life like an unalterable stench that broadcasts, “Women beware.”

This takes a limited view of the human sexual experience. It’s natural to have curiosities. Many adolescent males experiment in one form or another during their teenage years. When I was in boarding school, the boys occasionally masturbated together in the showers. Rather than seeing this as a homosexual activity, it was experienced more as a manifestation of boyish heterosexuality.

A straight friend of mine recently surprised me by asking me to fuck him. Since I’ve known him, the thought or suspicion of any homosexual tendencies would have never entered my mind. He’s always been with, and talked about being with women. He said that he wanted to feel what it was like to be penetrated – to feel what a woman would feel.

A bisexual man could make for a more compassionate lover. He is not only driven by the primal urges of a man, but has taken into balance both the masculine and feminine energies present within us all. Only a man who knows the feeling of being dominated can empathize with the sexual experience of a woman. Theoretically, this could deepen the connection between two lovers.

But the majority of women will never accept this. While they might love a gay friend to go shopping with, they definitely don’t want to be married to one.

There is always the fear that a bisexual will leave you for someone of the opposite sex when they fully realize their true sexuality. But there is also always the possibility of any lover leaving you for another, whether it is a man or woman. And isn’t it less painful to be left for someone of the opposite gender than the same? At least then you know couldn’t give them what they wanted. TC mark

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