Top 10 Animals That Don’t Have Asses
Idly representing the reptile kingdom’s “boringer” animals that don’t have asses, the Snake’s fan-base is surprisingly varied: certain Christians enjoy holding them at noncommittal distances while dancing and emitting noises, children in non-gated communities with 20-40% of the lots perpetually “under construction” enjoy attacking them in their own environments with shovels, adults sometimes vaguely enjoy storing them in 50-gallon fish-tanks. It has been said that when God created Snakes he began with the Cobra and accidentally placed the ass on the face, then sort of “gave up,” interpreting the majorly egregious error as an metaphor for [God stopped thinking about it at this point].
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If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”